It's my party and i'll cry if I want to..

It’s exactly five minutes till the day AFTER my birthday.

I made it another year!

I didn’t die in some weird, tragic accident whereas everyone that heard about my untimely death would say “wow..isnt that ironic? She died on her birthday.”

And I didn’t slit my wrists.

Not that I would really slit my wrists. It’s just something about birthdays that depress the hell out of me.
There is a certain level of discontent that looms over me some years, and this just happens to be one of those years.

It’s not that I don’t feel loved. I had plenty of calls, emails and cards full of well wishes from family and loved ones. And while one particular loved one didn’t call I guess it was just another reminder that it’s time to move on.

And that’s a good thing right?
So why the sadness?
This uneasiness I feel?

Like most, I sometimes contemplate my purpose in life. I wonder if somewhere down the road to discovery I may have made some wrong turns. I may have chosen a path that is taking me further away from my “Personal Legend” as the book The Alchemist refers to it. The Alchemist is such a enlightening book and it teaches that each one of us has a goal in life, a dream, a wish and a reason to keep us going and it’s up to us to find out what that is.

Its not that I feel I haven’t accomplished much in life. I’ve accomplished plenty. I just think that maybe I’m not living the life I was meant to, or with the person I was meant to be with.

But with awareness comes hope.

And I am hopeful that my ultimate purpose in life will soon be revealed to me. I am also hopeful that I will have the courage to make the difficult decisions and painful choices that may come with getting closer to my “Personal Legend”.

Paul Coelho says “When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realize your desire.”

I think that’s an amazing statement.

So what do I desire? Only my heart and the Universe know.

It’s after midnight now…

My birthday is now officially over and with it..my discontent.

It’s been replaced with a certain resolved acceptance for where I am presently and an inquisitive optimism for where I will be in the future.


And I guess that is the greatest gift of all.