Day 7

 If I had my way my #daily ritual would include good wine and even better friends.

One More Surgery for the Win!!!

I braved the brutal cold today and went to my 3 week plastic surgeon check-up. Besides some residual pain and scar tissue issues at the incision site from the mastectomy, I seem to be healing pretty well. In fact, the doctor seemed quite pleased with her work. Good for her.  So it looks like I’m all set for yet another surgery tomorrow. Yep, you read right.

I will be having tubal ligation surgery at 8:30am tomorrow morning at Sibley Hospital and the closer it gets to tomorrow the more emotional I feel.  The fact is that after raising a 21 year old on my own I was pretty sure that I did not want any more children. But it’s one thing to make the decision on your own and entirely one other thing when the decision is made for you because of your circumstance.

And what exactly is my “circumstance”? I am ER/PR+/HEU2- which means that my particular type of cancer is fueled by hormones. The first thing I was told after being diagnosed was to stop taking birth control pills immediately. Which makes me question how much of a factor they played in causing the cancer to begin with..but that’s a different post.

For the next ten years (maybe more) I will have to take part in hormonal therapy in the form of a drug called Tamoxifen.  The good part is it suppresses my estrogen; the bad part is it suppresses my estrogen. So while it lessens my risk of reoccurrence it has some funky side effects, including hot flashes, wicked mood swings (so apologies if I have been bitchy), higher incidents of uterine cancer and birth defects.  Some women decide to go off of Tamoxifen for a period of time or forever in order to have children but that’s not a risk I want to take.

Besides, the whole thought of having to look into another child’s eyes like I had to do to my daughter and tell them that I have cancer and I don’t know if I’m going to die is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and I refuse to ever have to do that again.

So for all those reasons, with guidance from my doctors I have decided to get my “tubes tied”.  The surgery is a couple hours and recovery a couple of days or so but it’s not the physical scars and pain I’m so worried about. I know I will eventually get over it like I’ve had to get over everything else that has happened in the past 6-7 months...I have no choice.
But, for right now it sucks pretty bad. I guess the bright side is that I can put all that diaper money into the travel fund.

Love and Light,

Asabi

Day 6

 #please no more! A day at the dentist is never a fun time for me. :(

Day 358

Today's photo inspiration is #Merry

 A less mobile but still  a very blessed Merry Christmas..I couldn't have asked for more.

Two thumbs up!!!

Just a quick update to say I'm doing ok.

I'm in pain of course but surgery went as well as expected and definitely wasnt as bad as the first one. It will be awhile till i really see how "the girls" turned out as it can be several months for them to settle in but anything is better than the expanders so I'm just thankful they were finally removed.

I was nervous about it being an outpatient procedure but it worked out fine with my awesome friends who have been taking good care of me.

So for now I will be resting up for a couple of weeks and washing down my percocet with eggnog.

Again, Thank you guys for the well wishes and prayers.

Love and Light

Asabi  

Day 353

Today's photo inspiration is #simple

 "For to be poised against fatality, to meet adverse conditions gracefully, is more than simple endurance; it is an act of aggression, a positive triumph." - Thomas Mann 

Day 301

Today's photo inspiration is #best_invention_ever

 Whole Foods!!!.. best invention ever! Ok maybe not better than Target but you get the idea.

Breast Cancer Awareness Hijacked My Favorite Month

**Heavy sigh**

I don’t even know what this means really but I don’t like it. It’s just two examples of pop culture jargon mashed together to what? Bring “awareness” to Breast Cancer “month”. First of all, I have no plans of keeping calm when it comes to having breast cancer and second of all, “Pink is not the new black”, it is not cute or trendy. It’s painful, its life changing and in a lot of cases life ending. We are half way through October, affectionately known as "Pinktober" aka Breast Cancer Awareness month and I thought I should give my opinion on it all.

It’s an odd time for me as October has always been my favorite month. It’s the month that the leaves begin to change (which I love!!!!), I can start layering my favorite fall clothes and most importantly it’s my birthday month. In fact, I’ll be 40 tomorrow…yikes! It was MY month until I had to now and forever more share it with cancer awareness. Not awesome.

I’ve read some great blogs from other cancer survivors and most are on the same page about the demeaning commercialization of “Pinktober”. A lot of businesses are making a quick buck off the backs and empty chests of breast cancer victims without giving any of those extra funds to charities that are actually helping the ones that need it the most.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that my friends are doing their part to support me and sometimes just wearing a ribbon pin or wearing something pink in solidarity makes me feel great because I know the intention is pure. Hell, my Dad even shaved his very full head of curls just to show his support. I’ve also had other friends who vowed to do the same if I had to go through chemo and thank God that wasn’t the case because some of them would not remotely look good with a bald head.

So how can you really help?

There are lots of legitimate places that you can donate to. Below is a link to Charity Navigator and they give a list of organizations that do their best to utilize their funds to directly help prevent and find a cure for breast cancer

http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=497#.Ul2JHVBea8U

If the spirit moves you and you would like to donate to my own site which has been helping me keep afloat financially during my own battle please check out my “giving angels” tab which has a donation link. I would have not made it this far without the generosity of my friends, family, workmates and even strangers.

Lastly, I think the most important thing you can do to support Breast Cancer Awareness is to not forget about us come November 1 because we will continue to be in the battle regardless of whether or not Pink is still the color du jour.

Love and Light,

Asabi

Day 276

Today's photo inspiration is #words_to_live_by  

Do not keep calm and carry on. Wake up every day & bitch slap that cancer til its gone!!  Say  word. 

Day 273

Today's photo inspiration is #shapes

About half of my daily intake of meds and vitamins..They come in all shapes and sizes..take your pick.

Day 269

Today's photo inspiration is # home_away

 For the past couple of months and for the foreseeable future George Washington University Hospital is my home away from home. Today's appointment was made all the better being accompanied by my dear friend Deshawn  and his lovely pink scarf. :)

Day 265

Today's photo inspiration is #skilled

 Even though my Chynadoll complains that it isn't "real" food she is getting pretty skilled with making my smoothies.

Day 264

Today's photo inspiration is #nobody_sees_this.

Its my one month surgerversary! Thanks to my roommate Colette for doing my hair and helping me feel like the "old" me. The acceptance of the "new" me is still in progress. :) 

I'm officially a Survivor!!!!

It’s taken me a week to write this update. My hands are still a bit shaky and my eyes are cloudy from my tears as I type the words…Cancer Free.

But two months to the day of being diagnosed with what was at least in my mind a “death sentence” I have been given the incredible news that my surgery was a complete success and all of the cancer was removed from my body.

I am Cancer Free?

I am Cancer Free.

I am Cancer Free!

I have to keep writing it and saying it and now sharing it because I am having a very, very difficult time processing it.

Since I was told this news I have asked God for forgiveness every day that I have not showed (outwardly) enough gratitude..That I have not shouted it from the rooftop and hugged strangers on the street and kissed random babies and made up the end all be all of happy end zone dances.  

I haven’t. I can’t. Because I don’t feel “free” of anything yet.

How can my cancer “battle” be “over” if I’m still fighting back the tears when I wake in the morning from the pain of just getting out of bed? When I still have drains hanging from my body? and when I’ve barely started the “battle” of getting back to “me”?

The reality is that I am not cured. I have a lot of painful recovery and reconstruction to go through, I will have to start hormonal therapy soon that I will continue for 5-10 years and I will for the rest of my life have the fear (rational or not) of reoccurrence of cancer in other areas of my body.

But the other part of my reality is this:

My cancer was caught early.

It had not spread to my lymph nodes or chest wall (as originally reported).

I do not have the breast cancer gene.

I do not have to endure chemotherapy or radiation.

My “radical” decision to have a double mastectomy was the smartest choice for lowering my reoccurrence risk.

And the most important part of my reality is that because of the love and support and prayers of my friends and family I have survived thus far and TODAY I am officially cancer free and that is all that matters.

Please know that with every fiber of my being I am beyond thankful and know I am a very lucky and blessed girl. I’ve just yet to really process the original diagnosis let alone the recent prognosis so it is all an emotional work in progress for me so I’m asking for some time.

In the meantime, please continue to keep me in your prayers, send me your well wishes and positive thoughts because the fight isn’t over for me yet. Hell, we didn’t even have time to make CAKE team t-shirts yet ;)

I do look forward to celebrating with you all in due time. Because I do realize this is a victory worth celebrating. It’s a victory for us all and for that I am forever grateful.

Love and Light

Asabi

Day 194

Today's photo inspiration is #funny.

Funny how one little picture can change your life forever.

Day 188

Today's photo inspiration is #glass.

Holding my glass high and celebrating life with my tribe.

Day 183

Today's photo inspiration is #footware.

Nervous foot-ware. The latest in doctor office gear. :/ 

Day 147

Today's photo inspiration is #ordinary_beauty.

This ordinary beauty is experiencing extraordinary illness. Thank goodness for ginger-tea and lots of it. :(

Day 61

Today's photo inspiration is #process

 In the continual process of being my best self I try to be a regular visitor to this place. 

Day 60

Today's photo inspiration is #you_today.

Today I worked from home then worked on myself.