In honor of my Uncle Marcus

A quote by Harriet Beecher Stowe...

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

What words have been left unsaid in your life?

There were plenty between Marcus and I.  We had not spoken for three years since the passing of my mother, his sister Pamela. At a time when family should be at It’s closest, ours was torn apart. Words were said in anger and grief and a painful distance emerged between us.  One that I didnt think would ever end. But here I am today memorizing my Uncle...grieving over words left unsaid. 

Marcus and I were very close growing up and it was a interesting thing to have a Uncle that was only 2 years older than you. I remember the time when I was 4 or 5 years old when he would to no avail try to get my cousin Amir and I to respectfully call him "Uncle". He really did try his best to have dominion over us especially since he was much bigger than us but it never really caught on.  One of my favorite funny childhood memories was when we lived on Ada street in Chicago and even though he tried to act like a tough guy he was actually afraid of the dark so Amir and I locked him out side and turned the lights out. He screamed and started kicking the door which was made of glass..just as he shattered the glass his dad Bernard was coming up the stairs behind him. As you can imagine Marcus at 6 years old wasnt such a tough guy when he was getting his butt beat that night. 

As time went on Marcus grew up to be a self professed authority figure always giving his opinions and advice to whoever would listen and unfortunately for him we werent very obedient. I like to beleive one of the highlights of his life was the birth of my brothers Amon and Maku and my daughter Chyna because he finally had someone who was so much younger that when they said "Uncle Marcus!!!" they meant it. He loved them and he loved me too...and i know that now.

Marcus was one of the funniest people I knew and I'm going to miss his unique way of loving, which was wrapped up in sarcasm, advice and a few choice curse words.

I'm going to miss his sanity and resolve in this crazy world. And most of all I'm going to miss being able to call him Uncle.

I hope the irony that Marcus died on the same day as my mom, his sister is not lost on you. To me, It was a fitting way to remind me in death what he couldnt in life..that family matters.

Regardless of the pettiness and pride, the ego and our human frailties at the end of it all we have to try our best to love and respect each other. To continue to hold space for each other with empathy but also in truth.

Let Marcus' life, death and legacy be a testimony to that.

Rest in power Uncle Marcus.

Day 365

Today's photo inspiration is #au_revoir

 #Au_revoir to the old me..bonjour to the new me..and in case you were wondering... Yes! They're fake..the real ones tried to kill me! 

Goodbye projectlife365 I'm so proud of myself for committing to the end despite this years challenges. These are more than just pictures but windows into my heart. Thank you for coming along the journey with me. May 2014 bring us an even more beautiful story to share. Xoxo

Day 332

Today's photo inspiration is #thankful_for

 I am so very thankful for the love distance nor time nor illness could erase.

Day 329

Today's photo inspiration is #abstract

"When friends and lovers die and your world gets quieter; that's when the silence comes closer; that's when next isn't the least bit theoretical or abstract." - Bruce Jackson

Day 328

Today's photo inspiration is #relayed

Its been relayed and decided by my nieces and nephew that their movie of choice is Thor. I have no choice but to comply.

Day 307

Today's photo inspiration is #throwback

A throwback pic of the Chicago home I spent my early years. Funny how it seemed like a mansion when I was four. Lol

Day 283

Today's photo inspiration is #old_school

My mommy and me in 1973.  Can't get any more old school than that. ;) 

Day 280

Today's photo inspiration is #cinematic.

A old pic of My daughter Chyna  in her cinematic debut acting as Tupac's daughter in one of his last videos. She cant even claim 15 minutes of fame as she is in it all of 5 seconds but its pretty cool regardless.  

Check her out a couple of times at the every end of the video.

Music Mondays - Breathe

Delilah's Breathe

I am strong when I'm quiet

I never let you see me stall

I can hate what you say and still smile

Only play on an open court

I am the ringleader of my own circle

Fall on my knees and I won't bleed

Set me on fire and I'll fall to sleep

The pain of my scolds sets me free

I can not Breathe (yeah)

Let me be free (yeah) from myself

Drown me in silence and suddenly I'm floating

I rip me apart with one look

Use my heart as a crutch for my ego

And hope that I never never fall in love

I can not Breathe (yeah)

Let me be free (yeah) from myself

I must survive

This wonderful punishment called life

Use my heart and unravel it

My innocence is all gone

Torn apart and I can't handle it

My innocence is all gone

I can not Breathe (yeah)

Let me be free (yeah) from myself

I must survive

This wonderful punishment called life

This wonderful punishment called life

Day 157 (Happy Birthday Malika)

Today's photo inspiration is #cement

I know this is just that..cement..a tombstone and nothing more. I always knew she wasn't there but it doesn't lessen my grief sometimes.

Today would be her 39th birthday and she remains where she has always been...in my heart.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there,

I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there.

I do not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Day 102

 

Today's photo inspiration is #connection.

We were once Cali schoolmates and now 20 years later friends both living in the DC area...15 minutes apart. Proof that a real connections cant be hindered by time or circumstance.

Day 64

Today's photo inspiration is #private

 "Every (wo) man's memory is her private literature." - Aldous Huxley

Day 59

Today's inspiration is #handmade.

 This was handmade by my daughter and is taped to my bedroom door. It has to be 8 or 9 years old. Every time I see it im reminded of how much we both have grown up.

Reflections in the Puddles

The last time I posted was a year ago and no, the irony is not lost on me. I promise to do better this time..really. Part of my motivation is coming from joining a Facebook group called Project 365, Picture a Day 2012. We challenge each other to take a picture a day for the whole year.  Want to join? Need some pointers? Here's a great way to start.  I'm not a photographer, I just like to take pictures and I do so with a crummy Sony Cyber shot and my BlackBerry. But what I lack in fancy equipment I make up for with artistic enthusiasm. The point isnt to take amazing pictures everyday but to make the effort to document your year.

After just a week of participating in this project I realize how hyper aware I am of my surroundings. From the time I wake up I'm looking around trying to find the "perfect shot". In doing so, I'm noticing EVERYTHING. How the sun shines through the trees, the rhythm of the headlights during traffic, how my reflection looks in a rain puddle.

So while most of the pictures will be ordinary and mundane and by no means awe-inspiring I hope to be able to write about not only how I felt in the moment of that picture but to open myself up to writing about other experiences as well.

Here's to capturing extraordinary pictures and living even more extraordinary lives.

Supernovas

feels like a million light

years in the past

that we were

bright

shining examples of love

we were

light

on the verge of

casting out shadows

and banishing dark clouds

of memories

that now seem too loud

to be silenced

but I will quiet my fears and take hold

as I must
of the reality of what we now are

its hard 
knowing that all this human dust

was once a star

a rare phenom

now imploded

and over

but once

a million times brighter

than the sun

supernovas

-Asabi

God's Lent Child

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief
You’ll always have her memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter her with tenderness, we’ll love her while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call her much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

~ Author Unknown

Ode to a lost one...

I only cried once for you today.

I felt a ghost of a kiss
and opened my eyes
half expecting you to be there.

Will you be the same
when we meet again?

Or just a faint resemblance
of someone I use to know.

-asabi

R.I.P.

Did anyone else remember that Tupac died 11 years ago today? Does anyone care? Well, it's a little known fact that Tupac is indeed my baby's daddy (can't you see the resemblance?).

RIP Tupac! He and his child support payments will be sorely missed.