Empty rooms

It's 6:15 am.

There will be no turning over
to go back to sleep
No turning back the clock
No turning back the sheets
If only they could speak

Whose side would they be on?

Your goodbye was only a whisper

I didn't want to hear it anyways 
I didn't want to hear a promise 
of a call or a visit

I didn't want to make you lie 
I wanted you to lie
back next to me
And put your arms around me 
And kiss me long and deep

And put yourself inside me 
even deeper

Just like how you did in my dreams 
way before we knew the other existed again in this world.

I wanted you to remind me of that Rumi quote 
Remind me that I mattered
Remind me that I didn't need a picture of your eyes as a memento 
to remember your intentions
Because we were more than that.

But I know our reality 

Your eyes would not ever speak words your lips did not already convey
Your eyes could not soften the blow of my closed ears and too open heart
Could not soften the sharpness
of the sadness in this dark empty room

I don't regret this sadness 
because you gave me so much more than you took away 
And what you took away 

I gave gladly. 

And would continue to give if you ask
as I have no other choice 
by virtue of this nameless innate pull 
I feel for you.

I don't regret this sadness as it is keeping me warm in this empty bed.
Keeping the room dark a lil longer 
Even though the rising spiteful sun tries its best to chase us both out.

I'm not ready to leave
I'm not ready to wash you off of me

I'm not ready to close the door 
on this moment

To leave the ghosts of lovers and strangers and quasi friends to fend for themselves
This air is thick with them. 
With us 
With you 
And the fragrance you left behind

In this room
In this heart

I'm not ready to leave...

The what if(s) and the maybe so(s)
That linger laughing at me
Knowing they have already transformed to never will be(s)

I'm not ready to leave
Because I still have time to lay

In this empty bed
In this empty room 
and lose myself in the thoughts of what love could look like

Its 7:08 am.

And I am envious of you
knowing you are returning home
to your love.

A love I'm pretending we made 

In this empty bed
In this empty room

- Asabi