Day 20

Sometimes my best #peace of mind is found at the bottom of my tea cup. 

Out with the Old and in with the New..Year

Wow! What a year huh?

As I reflect on the past year I have to say it has been arguably the most pivotal year of my life. This time last year I was shouting out that 2013 was going to be the most incredible year ever and boy was I right. This was the year I was turning 40... this was the year I was taking that dream vacation to Italy…this was the year I dared to be hopeful, actually expectant of an amazing year.

One of my favorite quotes is “if you ever want to hear God laugh make a plan”. Well, it must have been like a Chris Rock show up in heaven this year.

So you all know the story by now. And forever more my life, my body and all that I am will be described in time periods of  “pre-cancer” and “post-cancer” and I’m learning to be ok with that.

This year has been such an education on the absolute best and worst that life has to offer.  I have lost some friendships and been disappointed by many who I thought would be right by my side though it all. And while the lack of support from some have sadden me, broken my heart even, It has taught me to redefine what I consider a friend and I’m grateful for that. I realize that some people you have to love from afar, wishing them well as you close the door behind you.

The overflow of love has by far outweighed the disappointments. Work mates have become friends and friends have become family and perfect strangers have come along this journey with me softening the rocky road with prayers and well wishes.

I don’t know what the future holds for me in 2014 but I have resolved myself to not allow God to have too many more laughs at my expense.  I am instead trying to give up my expectations of what my life should be up to Him.  There is something very freeing in knowing that your highest priority in this world is to live your best life..TODAY, while being faithful that all the other details will be worked out for your greatest good.

This year has taught me about resilience and humility, about not only being stronger than I ever thought I could be but even more importantly accepting the grace that comes with being vulnerable , fragile even.

Resolutions? I guess the obvious one would be to remain cancer free this year and forevermore. I’m also going to try and be a better friend, mother, sister and daughter. I’d like to also be open to finding and receiving the love of my life this year and allow myself the audacity to stand firm in my beliefs, ask for what I want and deserve, dream bigger than before and for goodness sake take that trip to Italy.

I am setting my intention for a year of victory ahead. ..And so it is.

Wishing the same for you.

Love and Light

Asabi

Day 365

Today's photo inspiration is #au_revoir

 #Au_revoir to the old me..bonjour to the new me..and in case you were wondering... Yes! They're fake..the real ones tried to kill me! 

Goodbye projectlife365 I'm so proud of myself for committing to the end despite this years challenges. These are more than just pictures but windows into my heart. Thank you for coming along the journey with me. May 2014 bring us an even more beautiful story to share. Xoxo

Day 360

Today's photo inspiration is #magical

Its not sometimes realistic to think magical things can happen in life and especially in love. But I'd like to think of it as a courageous act of defiance to keep believing in magic even when no one else does.

Day 357

Today's photo inspiration is #cup_of_good_cheer

Nothing like a cup of good cheer to celebrate my first post surgery outing...there is definitely a nap in my future. :) 

Day 354

Today's photo inspiration is #gift

The best Christmas gift I could have asked for was not just a successful reconstruction surgery but to have friends that love me enough to nurse me back to health..looks like I'm getting both :)

Day 347

Today's photo inspiration is #outing

No office party outing would be complete with my favorite work sisters..love these ladies! 

Day 332

Today's photo inspiration is #thankful_for

 I am so very thankful for the love distance nor time nor illness could erase.

Day 327

Today's photo inspiration is #BFF

Hanging in Florida with my baby brothers and BFF..love these guys.

The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful

So it’s been quite awhile since I’ve updated and I apologize to those that are still interested in keeping up with my progress (not quite sure what the shelf life is for that). I wanted to write many times but couldn’t find the words.

So here is the update..

The good – My body cooperated enough that I was able to enjoy my birthday immensely. I got to witness a great friend get married, I had a lovely “staycation” at a fabulous hotel and even got to spend a couple of days on the Eastern Shore and enjoy the water and autumn leaves all thanks to the generosity of my friends. I also got a reconstruction or what some refer to as an “exchange” surgery date for December 19th. So one month from today I will be one step closer to feeling whole again.

The bad – I still have issues with severe nerve pain from the tissue expanders so my meds have been upped to counteract it which like most meds gives you other unwanted side effects like loss of focus and memory and hand tremors so that’s become a great conversation piece. Again, the hope is that after the expanders are removed the nerve pain will go away. Let’s hope the depression and anxiety kick rocks as well.

The ugly – After some weird symptoms I’ve had to get several tests done including a sonogram and biopsy to rule out uterine cancer. I should find out those results this week so please keep me in your prayers as I have already packed up my “I have cancer” t-shirt with the rest of my summer clothes and I really don’t feel like going into the attic to get it.

The beautiful – I continue to be blessed with the love and support of my friends, family and workmates with their visits, cards and donations. I was recently humbled and overwhelmed in particularly by the amazing generosity of my cousin Eboni and her family with a donation I received and while her donation was more than I ever expected please know that every penny I receive, big or small helps and is greatly appreciated.

So that’s it for now, I’ll try to get better with my updates. I’ll try to get better..period.

Love and Light

Asabi

Day 315

Today's photo inspiration is #lunch

Lunch time fortune. Lets hope so..I have some lost time to make up for.

Day 300

Today's photo inspiration is #nearby

With my balloons and cards nearby its hard not to wake up with gratitude for the friends that continue to shower me with love.

Day 296

Today's photo inspiration is #negative_space.

 If nothing else having cancer has taught me that I have NO room for negative space in my life. 

" You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha 

Day 292

Today's photo inspiration is #still

 "Mysteries are feminine; they like to veil themselves but still want to be seen and divined." - Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

Happy 40th Birthday to me!!! :)

I woke up today on my 40th birthday... cancer free. For the first time in my life I didn't worry about the extra weight or the wrinkles or any of the physical attributes we tend to dwell on when it comes to getting older because guess what? There was a real chance that I could have missed out on experiencing this blessing and miracle of being alive today.

I've decided to celebrate as much as I can this month, as much as my body will allow me to. I have so many loved ones planning great things for me this week and beyond that I have no choice but to take it all in. This birthday, this milestone is not just a blessing to me but an answered prayer for scores of people. This birthday is bigger than me, it is a testimony of what can happen when good people do great things with their hearts and mind.

I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me and with your continued support I will be better and stronger for it. My life isn't easy and I may have 99 problems but turning 40 aint one. 

I'm feeling hopeful about the future and completely winning this war against cancer..The physical scars, the emotional toll, the fear of reoccurance will all have to take a back seat to me living my life with authenticity, joy and being open to all the abundance the universe will bless me with.

The great Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best...

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
So keep your eyes open for what lies within me.... plenty of love and light and the will to be here for the next 40 years.

A happy birthday to me indeed.

Day 285

Today's photo inspiration is #rad

 It was pretty rad to be able to celebrate my birthday early with some of my closest friends who are also  libras. It was a big Libra love fest!! Still not fully recovered I needed a 4 hour nap after all the brunch festivities at  Sax Lounge :)

Day 282

Today's photo inspiration is #hugs

A picture with my buddy Bernard right after my surgery. People ask what they can do for breast cancer awareness. Try being a real friend. A kind word..a visit or call..some gentle hugs. They all go a long way in showing support. Thank God for my friends.

Day 278

Today's photo inspiration is #happy_place.

Lately, that's been harder and harder to find but getting a chance to enjoy the great weather and treat my booski Tahisha to a bday lunch (dessert included) definitely put me in a happy place. 

Day 264

Today's photo inspiration is #nobody_sees_this.

Its my one month surgerversary! Thanks to my roommate Colette for doing my hair and helping me feel like the "old" me. The acceptance of the "new" me is still in progress. :) 

Day 257

Today's photo inspiration #heck_yeah

I'm still recovering but according to my doctors Its official!!! My body is a cancer free zone!!! Am I happy? Am grateful? Am I blessed beyond measure? heck yeah!!!!  ;)