Jackson Pratt is the name of the guy(s) who invented the grenade shaped bulb draining system that is typically used post mastectomy surgery. There is a clear tube inside of you at the surgical site that connects to a bulb on the outside of your body. These drains help to pull all the fluid out of the "dead space" inside of you so it doesn’t collect and form seromas or hematomas or infections. So they are pretty important in the healing process but boy do I hate them with a vengeance..
I mean HATE!
I had two on each side of my body after surgery and after about a week two were removed and I was left with the remaining two that I was originally told I would have in for an additional 2-3 weeks.
Unfortunately that time line extended way beyond original expectations and I just FINALLY got them out on Friday!!!!
I'm not quite sure I have the words to explain how happy I was to get them out. It was imperative they get removed at this point because it had a huge part in fueling the depression that had pulled up a chair and made itself at home in my mind and spirit.
There is nothing nice about having to literally see your body’s fluids (and sometimes tissue) collect every day in this bulb that you have to measure and dispose of twice a day. I can never repay the kindness of my friends who helped me in those first several weeks, those who had the awful job of cleaning and measuring and dumping my body fluids because I was too weak and in too much pain to do it myself.
But as time went on and I had more strength I started taking care of them myself hoping that every time I went to the doctor that would be the day I would get them removed. The body can only absorb about 30 cc of fluid on its own safely after most surgeries and up until this past week I was way above those numbers. As my constant companions they were the unfortunate reminders that there was nothing "free" about being cancer free.
So I got the blues.
I guess it would be hard not to as you could imagine but the drains were only a part of it. I'm working on turning it around and maybe I’ll write about it in more details later but I'll just say that while I have my good moments, the last couple of weeks have been the worst part for me and there are days where I feel so bad I stay in bed all day and the tears just flow without warning.
Being in so much pain has definitely not helped and unfortunately I have developed some severe nerve pain not only from the mastectomy but in my leg from a previous car accident almost 20 years ago. One particular doctor thinks I may very well have signs of an auto immune disease which is causing the nerve pain so I will be getting more tests done to rule that out.
On a bright side, I did start physical therapy last week and I am starting to have a better range of motion then I had before so I am able to now drive short distances (when I'm not on some of my heavier meds). I think this will also help my mood as now I can at least drive to Target if I wanted even if it is to walk the aisles aimlessly and soak up the normalcy.
I have also started seeing a counselor and we will be working on getting my depression in check and hopefully my optimism will return.
It has to... because I have a life to live and I can’t do it with this cloud over my head.
Love and Light
Asabi
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