It’s taken me a week to write this update. My hands are
still a bit shaky and my eyes are cloudy from my tears as I type the words…Cancer
Free.
But two months to the day of being diagnosed with what was
at least in my mind a “death sentence” I have been given the incredible news that
my surgery was a complete success and all of the cancer was removed from my
body.
I am Cancer Free?
I am Cancer Free.
I am Cancer Free!
I have to keep writing it and saying it and now sharing it because
I am having a very, very difficult time processing it.
Since I was told this news I have asked God for forgiveness
every day that I have not showed (outwardly) enough gratitude..That I have not shouted
it from the rooftop and hugged strangers on the street and kissed random babies
and made up the end all be all of happy end zone dances.
I haven’t. I can’t. Because I don’t feel “free” of anything
yet.
How can my cancer “battle” be “over” if I’m still fighting
back the tears when I wake in the morning from the pain of just getting out of bed?
When I still have drains hanging from my body? and when I’ve barely started the
“battle” of getting back to “me”?
The reality is that I am not cured. I have a lot of painful
recovery and reconstruction to go through, I will have to start hormonal
therapy soon that I will continue for 5-10 years and I will for the rest of my
life have the fear (rational or not) of reoccurrence of cancer in other areas
of my body.
But the other part of my reality is this:
My cancer was caught early.
It had not spread to my lymph nodes or chest wall (as
originally reported).
I do not have the breast cancer gene.
I do not have to endure chemotherapy or radiation.
My “radical” decision to have a double mastectomy was the
smartest choice for lowering my reoccurrence risk.
And the most important part of my reality is that because of
the love and support and prayers of my friends and family I have survived thus
far and TODAY I am officially cancer free and that is all that matters.
Please know that with every fiber of my being I am beyond thankful
and know I am a very lucky and blessed girl. I’ve just yet to really process
the original diagnosis let alone the recent prognosis so it is all an emotional
work in progress for me so I’m asking for some time.
In the meantime, please continue to keep me in your prayers,
send me your well wishes and positive thoughts because the fight isn’t over for
me yet. Hell, we didn’t even have time to make CAKE team t-shirts yet ;)
I do look forward to celebrating with you all in due time.
Because I do realize this is a victory worth celebrating. It’s a victory for us
all and for that I am forever grateful.
Love and Light
Asabi
No comments:
Post a Comment