Day 273

Today's photo inspiration is #shapes

About half of my daily intake of meds and vitamins..They come in all shapes and sizes..take your pick.

Week 40 Photo Challenges

Day 272

Today's photo inspiration is #neighbor

  Trying to fight the strong desire to just stay in bed all day. I did get out for a short walk to hang out with my park #neighbors.

Day 271

Today's photo inspiration is #denim

 Didn't feel so great the past couple of days so it was a "stay in bed with my silk pj's and denim colored toenails" type of weekend.

Day 270

Today's photo inspiration is #worn_out

While I absolutely love receiving flowers I always get a bit sad when they get worn out and die. It reminds me how fleeting life can be..appreciate the beauty while you can.

Day 269

Today's photo inspiration is # home_away

 For the past couple of months and for the foreseeable future George Washington University Hospital is my home away from home. Today's appointment was made all the better being accompanied by my dear friend Deshawn  and his lovely pink scarf. :)

Day 268

Today's photo inspiration is #crooked.

 Random fun fact:  My middle fingers are crooked and double jointed..ok carry on. 

Day 267

Today's photo inspiration is #grey

Lovely silver and grey earrings gifted from my workmate and  friend Myriam. :)

Day 266

Today's photo inspiration is #hiding

Someone is bored and wants to play games. Unfortunately I'm tired so there will be a lot more hiding and a lot less seeking today. (shoutout to my friend Najah for gifting her to me. Not only does she have a fly ass hat she sings as well...cute!) 

Music Mondays - A Lovely Day

Jill Scott's rendition of Bill Wither's " A Lovely Day"

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day
... lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day.....

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day......

Week 39 Photo Challenges

Day 265

Today's photo inspiration is #skilled

 Even though my Chynadoll complains that it isn't "real" food she is getting pretty skilled with making my smoothies.

Day 264

Today's photo inspiration is #nobody_sees_this.

Its my one month surgerversary! Thanks to my roommate Colette for doing my hair and helping me feel like the "old" me. The acceptance of the "new" me is still in progress. :) 

Day 263

Today's photo inspiration is #entrance

I had a great pet therapy experience with my work mate Erik, his lovely wife Katie and his super adorable doggie Jackie. Visiting friends and dogs are always welcome in the entrance of my home and heart. :) 

Day 262

Today's photo inspiration is #inspires_me

 Spending time with Cindy one of my friends and CAKE (cancer ass kicking elite) team members. Her generosity, humor and spirit continues to inspires me to stay strong during my treatment because I know how much my recovery means to her and all my loved ones.

I'm officially a Survivor!!!!

It’s taken me a week to write this update. My hands are still a bit shaky and my eyes are cloudy from my tears as I type the words…Cancer Free.

But two months to the day of being diagnosed with what was at least in my mind a “death sentence” I have been given the incredible news that my surgery was a complete success and all of the cancer was removed from my body.

I am Cancer Free?

I am Cancer Free.

I am Cancer Free!

I have to keep writing it and saying it and now sharing it because I am having a very, very difficult time processing it.

Since I was told this news I have asked God for forgiveness every day that I have not showed (outwardly) enough gratitude..That I have not shouted it from the rooftop and hugged strangers on the street and kissed random babies and made up the end all be all of happy end zone dances.  

I haven’t. I can’t. Because I don’t feel “free” of anything yet.

How can my cancer “battle” be “over” if I’m still fighting back the tears when I wake in the morning from the pain of just getting out of bed? When I still have drains hanging from my body? and when I’ve barely started the “battle” of getting back to “me”?

The reality is that I am not cured. I have a lot of painful recovery and reconstruction to go through, I will have to start hormonal therapy soon that I will continue for 5-10 years and I will for the rest of my life have the fear (rational or not) of reoccurrence of cancer in other areas of my body.

But the other part of my reality is this:

My cancer was caught early.

It had not spread to my lymph nodes or chest wall (as originally reported).

I do not have the breast cancer gene.

I do not have to endure chemotherapy or radiation.

My “radical” decision to have a double mastectomy was the smartest choice for lowering my reoccurrence risk.

And the most important part of my reality is that because of the love and support and prayers of my friends and family I have survived thus far and TODAY I am officially cancer free and that is all that matters.

Please know that with every fiber of my being I am beyond thankful and know I am a very lucky and blessed girl. I’ve just yet to really process the original diagnosis let alone the recent prognosis so it is all an emotional work in progress for me so I’m asking for some time.

In the meantime, please continue to keep me in your prayers, send me your well wishes and positive thoughts because the fight isn’t over for me yet. Hell, we didn’t even have time to make CAKE team t-shirts yet ;)

I do look forward to celebrating with you all in due time. Because I do realize this is a victory worth celebrating. It’s a victory for us all and for that I am forever grateful.

Love and Light

Asabi

Day 261

Today's photo inspiration #ornate

One of my favorite ornate necklaces.

Day 260

Today's photo inspiration is #texture.

I've always loved babys breath. The look.. the texture..the beauty in its simplicity. 

Day 259

Today's photo inspiration is #energy

 Yummy energy filled "pure chia" juice from Puree juice in dc. 100% organic fresh pressed awesomeness  I hope to add more of this good stuff to my cancer recovery plan.

Music Mondays - I Will Survive

Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".  

Seemed to be a perfect choice since I'm officially cancer free and all. :)

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinking, I could never live without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong

And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you're back from outer space

I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now

'Cause you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one, who tried to hurt me with goodbye?

Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart

Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart

And I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry but now I hold my head up high

And you see me, somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you

And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free

But now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now

'Cause you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one, who tried to break me with goodbye

Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive, I will survive, oh

Go on now, go, walk out the door, just turn around now

'Cause you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one, who tried to break me with goodbye

Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive, I will survive, I will survive

Day 258

Today's photo inspiration is #currently_reading.

 Anti-Cancer..a new way of life by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD. Highly recommended read on how to avoid all the fun I've been having.

Week 38 Photo Challenges

Day 257

Today's photo inspiration #heck_yeah

I'm still recovering but according to my doctors Its official!!! My body is a cancer free zone!!! Am I happy? Am grateful? Am I blessed beyond measure? heck yeah!!!!  ;)

Day 256

Today's photo inspiration #partial

My cousin Lisa came from NYC to take her turn with helping with my recovery efforts. What better way to do that than with mini cupcakes by Baked by Melissa. 

Day 255

Today's photo inspiration #pointy

 My cool ass boss sent me paints, coloring books, sketch books and colored pencils to pass the time away in recovery. Can't wait to start designing this new phase of my life on paper. Ill be sure to draw a huge rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it and me sitting by the water with big boobs and no cancer ;) 

Day 254

Today's photo inspiration is #remembering

One of the hardest things about recovery besides even having the strength to open the pill bottles is remembering when to take them all. This takes care of both issues.

Pains, Drains and Automobiles

Going in to week 2 post surgery I'm realizing that pain will probably be my constant companion for awhile. Even with the morphine and valium and myriad of other drugs I've been taking to keep it at bay its still always here to a certain degree and I guess that's normal. And while I am a self described "pain wimp" I have had my share of experiences that maybe the average person wouldn't be able to handle. That includes child birth, hernia surgery, having all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled with just local anesthesia and having my right leg broken in 15 different places along with compound fracture.

I guess all those incidents have made me stronger to a certain degree but I still realize I have a very low tolerance for pain. And double mastectomy pain? well..not sure there are any words to describe it except to say it's been arguably the worst of them all.  I do realize that alot of it is emotional/mental pain at the thought of this new body cancer has so callously sculpted and there is no amount of morphine in the world that can heal that.

One bright note, if there is one is that one major source of pain was somewhat alleviated by "installing" a third drain on Friday because clearly life wasn’t interesting enough with just two tubes and grenades hanging from my body. Lucky for me my post surgical garments come with roomy pockets to fit all of them..fancy huh?

On a side note, I wanted to give big thanks to Tahisha, Beverly, Danielle, Nicole, Hector and Chamberlain for going out of their individual ways to get me to my doctor appointments and to all the friends who have been driving me around, running errands, coming to visit and bringing me food.  Looks like I will have at least 2 doctor appointments a week for quite awhile and probably wont be able to drive on my own for another 3-4 weeks so as absolutely annoyed that I cant be my usual independent self I will still have to rely on the kindness and availability of my friends.

In the meantime, enjoy the rest of the weekend and look out for a good news report coming soon. :)

Love and Light

Asabi

Day 253

Today's photo inspiration is #stress.

"My belief is that cancer comes from inside you and so much of it has to do with the environment of your body. It's the stress that will turn that gene on or not." - Melissa Etheridge 

Music Mondays - The Blower's Daughter

Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...

'Til I find somebody new

Day 252

Today's photo inspiration is #vivid

Recovery sucks but is made all the better when I'm blessed with awesome gifts like this beautiful, vivid blanket made with love by my sister-friend Nailah...and it matches my toes too...love it and her!! :)

Day 251

Today's photo inspiration is #low_contrast.

 a snapshot of Venus the goddess of love as she hangs in my living-room. She helps to keep the peace as much as possible. 

Week 37 Photo Challenges

Day 250

Today's photo inspiration is #surprising

 I got a surprising care package from work mate and friend Tara. Not only did she send chocolate and girly toe nail polish but this Oscar worthy gem right here. So grateful..thank you Tara!!

Day 249

Today's photo inspiration is #water

My 80 year old Grandma came from Las Vegas to help me recover from my cancer surgery..She reminded me that blood may be thicker than water but love is thicker than both..Thank God I get to have her around to show me all of the above. 

Day 248

Today's photo inspiration is #the_ultimate

 I got the ultimate in good news from my doctor appointments including finding out I don't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation!!! So happy to be able to share the day with my "lil sis" Madhuri :) 

Day 247

Today's photo inspiration is #shadows.

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you." - Walt Whitman

Day 246

Today's photo inspiration is #slow.

 Grandma made my day with hooking up a roast in the slow cooker for dinner. This might very well be the cure for cancer right here. Yum! 

Day 245

Today's photo inspiration is #preparing

 Its slow going but I'm getting to the point where I am mobile enough to do my own smoothie preparing. 

Pumpkin Spice & Everything Nice

Well not everything nice.  :(

In fact this week was filled with some unexpected emotional challenges and very painful complications which sent me back to the doctor two days in a row to try to alleviate. The hope is that by the end of the week we can get the swelling at the right side incision site under control and it doesn't turn into anything more serious. 

On a brighter note, I had some great bonding moments with some of my various caretakers as I am finding out that nothing is more fun than being naked and allowing your friends measure the fluid that drains out of your body. 

The biggest progress of the week was my physical ability and mental willingness to leave the house for any other reason besides a doctor appointment. As uneasy as I felt about being out the house there were two things that made all of it worth it. One..My very first pumpkin spice latte of the season!!! and Two..seeing the smile on Heather's face as she got me out to enjoy it.

This week brings more doctor appointments and finally a meeting with an Oncologist on Friday to get a official treatment plan. My Grandma flew in from Vegas yesterday to keep me company this week and dare I say having her here is  even better news than the return of my beloved pumpkin spice lattes?

I can unequivocally say a resounding yes. Yes it is. :)

Music Mondays - Crazy

Ray Lamontagne's acoustic (and beautiful) cover of Gnarls Barkley's song 'Crazy'. 

 I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.

 There was something so pleasant about that place.

Even your emotions had an echo

In so much space

And when you're out there

Without care,

Yeah, I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

probably 

And I hope that you are having the time of your life

But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,

Ha ha ha bless your soul

You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb

And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun

And it's no coincidence I've come

And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy

Maybe you're crazy

Maybe we're crazy

Probably

Day 244

Today's photo inspiration is #you_today

 The bestie Heather treating me to my first Starbucks run post surgery.:) 

Week 36 Photo Challenges