Good Better Best..now only if I could get some rest

All and all this was a good weekend. I find my anxiety has gotten the better of me as far as sleep is concerned but I had some awesome moments during my waking hours. Friday, I spent all day having final consultations with Dr. Teal and Dr. Marshall to talk about the ends and outs of what to expect on Tuesday. No new surprises with my case and we are still hoping that the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes or chest wall.

I was expecting to be overwhelmed with more talk of the inevitable but I feel pretty numb about it most of the time. I'm definitely in "doing" mode and less in "feeling" mode right now as it feels like I've had to do so much in so little time. There is a rolling mental scroll of things that need to be done and no matter how much I write it down it stays stuck in my head replaying and replaying itself in the voice of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. So many decisions had to be made that comes down to these next couple of days. With deciding on doctors, surgery options, treatment plans, paint colors and curtain fabrics.It's only so much one person can take.

Fortunately, the better part of this weekend was filled with lots of levity and libations in the form of dinner and dancing with varied group of my fab CAKE Team. The love was tangible..the vibe was celebratory..and it was just what I needed. It may be awhile before I have my dancing shoes on again so I wanted to revel in the movement of the music and the beautiful people and feel beautiful along with them..and I did.

I felt beautiful.

I hope to feel that way again very soon.

I spent the rest of the weekend mainly alone, running errands, reflecting, trying to ward off the anxiety. ..even eating brunch by myself. It was surprisingly nice.

Today, I did get a chance to go to the Smith Center for Healing and the Arts for the monthly DC Young Adult Cancer Survivors group meeting. It was nice to be able to meet and talk to people who are in my age group and hear and resonate with their issues and know I'm not alone in my fears and concerns. Sending them all love and light right now as they deserve it.

The best part of the meeting was connecting Erika Bracey, a dynamo of a cancer survivor who happened to be visiting from Chicago and took the time to come to the meeting to support me. Erika is doing great things in helping other cancer survivors and even makes amazing bracelets in honor of them...us. My hope is that on the other side of this I will be able to shine as bright as she does.

It's late. I'm going to try and quiet the noise in my head now and get some sleep. Dustin and I have alot to get done tomorrow.