Do You Know This Man?

He may look crazy but at least he is telling you upfront what is on his mind and every other place I might add. At least he isn't part of the cowardly, immature group of men that think it's OK to pull their wankers out in the middle of polite conversations.

Times can be really hard for a single gal nowadays. All we want is to meet nice guys and have a little fun. And in doing so we should be able to trust that if we accept an invitation for dinner, movies and the like that you do not misconstrue a general interest in you with a overwhelming desire to see your jack-n-the -box. Unwarranted exposure is never sexy. In fact, it's outright gross and creepy!!! Like some of you women out there, I also have been victim to this unfortunate occurrence...

Recently, a guy I dated (and I use that term loosely) over a year ago started calling, texting, emailing me out of the blue. We only went out a couple of times and it ended abruptly when I found out that between he and my ex-roommate somebody had a hankering for the other and a conversation ensued about breast size and what one would be willing to do to get one's computer fixed. It's a long story but let's just say her side was a little less plausible to believe. She moved out soon after and I stopped talking to him because in reality I just wasn't that in to him.

So fast forward a year later and A.A. is trying to "see me, reconnect with me, be just friends...since he knows I must have a man, as fine as I am" etc..etc..blah..blah blah... Truth is..I know he probably just broke up with a girlfriend and started going through his black book trying to see who may have forgotten just how weird he really is. For two weeks I gave him several legitimate excuses as to why I couldn't see him. Not that I was totally against catching up with an old "friend", I just wasn't willing to forgo other plans to do so. Just so happen he caught me one night on my way to one of my treks to U Street and after some guilt inducing tactics he got me to agree to stop by for a minute just to say hello. Now I bet if this was a movie you would be screaming at screen right now..."What a dumb ass...Girl!! Don't do it!... It's a setup!!" And in my defense I will say that I am a grown-ass woman and should be able to go to a grown-ass man's apartment (who I know) and expect him to use the 15 minutes I allotted to "catch up", see what he missed out on and send me on my way....

So he opens the door and offers me a nice friendly platonic hug. I accept and take a seat on the sofa. I comment on how big his new TV is and he comments on how pretty I remained. I thank him and try and change the subject. "How's work?" "How's the family?" " Oh..that's nice" "Oh yeah, I heard that movie was good"..etc.. So after literally four minutes of "catching up" he says " why are you so far away? sit a little closer" I tell him that I cant sit any closer because then I would be on his lap! We both chuckle. Then he asks if he could have a kiss. Oh damn! damn! damn! Why does he have to ruin a perfectly good moment by asking for something I have absolutely no desire to give? "We are just friends..remember?" I tell him. And as I am trying to reiterate my point by trying to move away he takes my face in both hands and plants the most god-awful tongue lashing of a kiss. By the time I was able to yank my head back half my face was wet.

Mistake #11,467 : I didn't smack the shyt out him and run for the door! Instead, I sat there wiping my face off, trying to remain calm. For a minute I think I was actually frozen to his cheap leather sofa. Frozen with the embarrassment of his audacity and my stupidity. So as I'm sitting there staring blankly at the TV, planning my escape, I must have zoned out cause I know he was talking but I was having a Charlie Brown moment and all I could hear was "wohmp wohmp..wohmp wohmp wohmp".

At this point I turned to tell him it was time for me to go and this nasty bastard had already unzipped his pants and was hand dancing with his p'nizzile!! His eyes were slightly rolled back in his head and my MAC Chili Red lipstick was smeared all over his high yellow face making him look like a crazed killer clown.

Of course I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Mind you he continued to pleasure himself as I tripped over his legs running for the door. He asked me why I was leaving so soon and I said "cause it's obvious that you need some time alone!" I could have sat there all night with the shyt I wanted to say but why bother? He obviously was a crazy fuck that somehow thought I would be aroused at just the mere look of his shrunken banana.

I realized it was just best that I made my exit as gracefully as possible. He did get up long enough to unlock the door and as he struggled to zip his pants up he looked me straight in my eye and says "well.....thanks for stopping by..it was good to see you" .......WTF!?!?! "um..yeah..ok..bye?" was all I could get out before I broke camp to my car. I looked at my watch and it was 7:35 pm...seven minutes later than the last time I sat in my car. That was all the time it took for him to make me feel like a altar boy after his weekly meetings with Father Thomas.

Now, you might want to chalk this sad story up to him being a horny nutcase and me being a dumb-ass but I'm sorry to say this is not a isolated incident. I've been told of similar scenarios by several women who are much smarter than I am. I'm just pleading with all the respectable men to spread the word to your creepy brethren to stop the madness and put your pocket snakes away. And you wonder why women think of you as critters. Frogs..snails..and puppy dog tails ...indeed

TGIF!

I had a very interesting night (which I will have to go into details later), but I did see two great up and coming artists and wanted to pass the word about Justin Trawick and the Roll Wit Us All Stars

Don't forget to support all the independent artists out there!!!

Dumb-Ass Pussy

Another product of George Bush's “no child left behind” initiative???

According to the Washington Post Ol’ Georgie is very happy with the results of the latest National Assessment of Educational Progress Report. The assessment administered by the Education Department samples students in all 50 states and the District of Columbia in order to measure educational trends. This year the tests were given to more than 702,000 students.

According to the report, just in our nation’s capital alone, only 14 percent of fourth-graders and 8 percent of eighth-graders scored proficient or better in math. In reading, 14 percent of fourth-graders and 12 percent of eighth-graders were proficient or better. The fourth-grade proficiency rate was up from 11 percent in 2005, and the eighth-grade rate was unchanged. Yes, you read right!!... Only 8 percent of D.C. eighth graders are proficient in math and Bush says the results are “outstanding”??? But you must consider the source...

This is the same administration currently involved in a federal lawsuit challenging their rules on teacher credentials, saying they fail to ensure that all students have highly qualified teachers. According to the lawsuit, poor and minority students are more likely to be taught by teachers-in-training; in many cases, about 12% of poor students' teachers are interns.

Poor Kitty…Not only does he have to deal with the shame of illiteracy but now he has to die a slow painful death due to rabies.

Awwww…..

Suga Making Sara

she was his ghost
yet she haunted me
more than he knew
“suga making” sara
left her mark
dancing sweeter
than any woman ought to

with a mesmerizing sway
her hips
liked to give way
to ancestral rhythms and beats
carried
by the spirits of African forefathers
buried
deep inside,
as if she was the field
where they died

not so far in the distant
memories
did evoke
a certain sadness
when he spoke
about the feather
in her flowing tresses
and the child
she chose not to birth
while my own labor bears
restlessness
with his blindness
to my worth

and as he did his dance
of remembrance
i could hear
faint footsteps of regret
as if he hadn't loved
like that since
but alas,
he seems to forget…

me.


~asabi

I'm Sorry

Tomorrow marks the observance of Yom Kippur, one of the holiest days in the Jewish calendar. It is a "Day of Atonement", a day set aside to "afflict the soul," a day to repent for the sins of the past year. In order to truly make amends with someone you must first seek reconciliation, and attempt to right the wrongs you committed against them.

So, in the spirit of atonement I'd like to sincerely apologize to those I've wronged this year. To the offended (and you know who you are) I say to you:

I'm sorry for not being patient enough
I'm sorry for ignoring your calls for months on end
I'm sorry for not supporting your choices
I'm sorry for allowing my problems to overshadow yours
I'm sorry for waiting 15 years to tell you the truth
I'm sorry for pretending to be interested in you
I'm sorry for being so far away and not doing enough about it
I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday
I'm sorry for not loving you for who you are

And while I'm here asking for your forgiveness, I realize I must wholeheartedly forgive those who have hurt me. To those offenders (and you know who you are) I say:

I forgive you for breaking my laptop
I forgive you for not being there when I needed you
I forgive you for mistaking assertiveness for bitchiness
I forgive you for stealing from me
I forgive you for talking shyt about me
I forgive you for taking advantage of me
I forgive you for forgetting my worth
I forgive you for breaking my heart



I hope I've inspired you to do some repenting of your own.

Shalom uv'racha

Because I'm feeling melancholy

today.. I wanted to hear something to make me feel better. This is one of my favorite songs. Beautiful lyrics sung by a beautiful man. It's equally sad and uplifting. The melody is haunting but feels like a well needed hug from beyond. Just close your eyes...listen...and... exhale....

Injustice...it's always in fashion

Don't forget to wear black on Thursday, 9/20 to show support for The Jena 6. I may not be able to go all the way down to Louisiana to protest but I can certainly show my solidarity by wearing black. I even bought a new dress for the occasion. Dr. King would be so proud.

Kids Today

So I spent my evening at "back to school" night at Chyna's school. It never ceases to amaze me just how grown kids are looking now-a-days. Especially the girls! Some of these chicks were looking like co-stars in a R.Kelly home video. It's just not right! On average, girls are maturing so much earlier then previous generations but experts don't always agree on the reasons why. Research dictates that possible reasons include global warming, growth hormones in the chicken and even watching too much television. But what ever the reasons are parents must be diligent in trying to do their part in slowing it down.

On a side note, I have anxiously been awaiting the new installment of America's Next Top Model. So don't bother calling me Wednesday night because Chyna and I will be glued to the tube, eating a bucket of chicken and popping holes in the ozone layer during the commercial breaks.

Worth Sharing..

You may need to read it a couple of times but it's worth it.


.. and here's more
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
May wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
So shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses
Your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and
Shake them in their clinging to the earth.

The Prophet by Gibran Kahlil Gibran

Welcome to the World!

Just wanted to send warm wishes and lots of love to my girl Brandy and her husband Etril on the birth of their beautiful new baby girl Jaylen! Born 9-13, she is the apple of her parents eyes. And if she is anything like her momma she will be kicking ass and taking names!



Congrats!!!

R.I.P.

Did anyone else remember that Tupac died 11 years ago today? Does anyone care? Well, it's a little known fact that Tupac is indeed my baby's daddy (can't you see the resemblance?).

RIP Tupac! He and his child support payments will be sorely missed.

Back in Business!!

I got a new crackberry y'all... after Craig and 'em stole ole' Charlie I was going through major text withdrawl. But, my new baby is here...bright and shinny and happy to be with his new mommy!!!

LOL

TLK2UL8R

; )

Happy Birthday Ikem!

Just wanted to take a moment to say happy b-day to one of my favorite people in the world..Ikem Yanan Murphy. And while we all know today is the 6th anniversary of "9-11", a day that changed us all forever. I'm choosing today to focus on celebrating a life of someone who will always be special to me.

Devil-1 Asabi-0

Funny thing happen on the way to church Sunday..I was jacked at the gas station!!!

After a great Saturday night out with the gang I was determined to get up early to go church regardless of the lack of sleep I got. I woke up late of course and hurried along knowing I still needed to stop for gas. So as I'm pulling into the station all I'm thinking about is.."hurry up..get the gas..can't be late!". Now, I'm the first to admit that I have on occasion left my car unlocked if I ran into the 7-11 and such but today was different....

I had a very odd feeling when I pulled into he gas station and made a point to roll my window up. I grabbed some cash (even though I had a check card in my purse) and left it and my phone on the seat. I hit my alarm when I got out the car but unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that the car doors didn't actually lock. According to witness accounts, as soon as I walked in the gas station, three guys(that had been sitting there looking for a easy target) pulled right next to my car, one guy jumped out, opened the door and took my stuff. Before the witnesses could realize what had happen they pulled off. Not that they were going to do anything as the guy had a gun. So, I'm gone maybe 3 minutes, I come back totally oblivious to what has just transpired and as I'm trying to pump my gas one of the witnesses tells me what happens. I'm like WTF!!! The police are called and descriptions are given and promises are made to find them but I'm inconsolable. I just want to go home and cancel my cards and lay down. It's a very lonely feeling to need to reach out and tell someone what happened and you cant remember one damn number and all of your contacts are in your beloved crackberry that was just stolen!!!

In hindsight, I had a feeling something was going to happen and a good friend reminded me that there was a reason I was away from the car when they took the purse. If the door was locked they could have broken the glass or worse waited until I came back and took it by force. And while the aftermath is a hassle I'm blessed to be here. My mom says that was just the devil trying to stop me from going to church. I'm not so sure if I believe her, but if that's the case he may have won that battle.....but the war rages on.

BTW..if you see three nukkas in a silver lincoln continental with the tag number TLK256 will you let a sista know? thanks

To all my fans...

real life is interferring with my blogging time. Will post soon. In the meantime check out Charming Bum . It's a great blog and she has alot of time on her hands. :-)

Are you happy now?

So my daughter Chyna has been on my case about spending time with her friends parents. She has the crazy idea that I should automatically want to be friends with them because our children hang out. As I politely tried to explain you can not force friendships and people that I do call my friends are so because we share common experiences and we’ve bonded in some form or another. And, just because I do not want to go on a weekend trip to NYC with Kylie’s mom does not make me anti-social. It means that I know my limitations in interacting with certain human beings in certain settings and that situation would so throw me over the edge. Now, if it was Kylie’s dad I might reconsider. He is kind of hot in a Brian Kest yoga master tantric sex, vegan granola kind of way. But, I digress...

Anyway, Rita, a mother of one of Chyna’s buddies, tells me her motorcycle biker club (yes, I said motorcycle) is throwing a cabaret and she has an extra ticket. So to appease her and Chyna I decided to finally accept an invitation to hang out. I ask her what I should wear and she says “well it’s a typical cabaret, so…”. So….. that doesn’t help me since I have never been to a local cabaret and have no idea what to expect. Now, if you are part of the blissfully ignorant like me let me break it down. We are not talking the critically acclaimed play and movie, nor are we talking about this. In reality, or at least in the reality of local DC/B’more commoners a cabaret is a party that is usually thrown at a club, a boat or in the case of last night’s fiesta, an elk’s lodge in bumfuck Dundalk, Maryland. It's suppose to be for the "grown and sexy" and they make it seem exclusive by selling tickets ahead of time. Alot of times, it's BYOB and they usually have some bootleg food that may or may not be worth the $15-20 you shell out. So why do they call it a cabaret? I still dont know but I decide what the hell I'll go check it out. I throw on some heels, my cutest jeans and a sparkly pink top. I happily agreed to taking separate cars and following her up there. Forty-five minutes, a toll road and two high ass bridges later we arrive at the lodge. If it wasn’t for the 50 plus bikes parked side by side I may have missed the place. I take a deep breath and put my best “I’m happy to be here” face on….Showtime!!!

Rita, or “Smilee” (as her biker buddies called her), introduced me to the gang as we headed in. Everyone at our table was nice enough I guess. They said the obligatory hellos but didn’t pay too much attention to me after that. Well except “Brutus” who made it a point to buy my drinks and tell me how nice my hair looked even though it wasn’t a weave. A little while later things really got going when the D.J. played “Lean wit It, Rock wit It” and every biker boy and biker chick got out on the dance floor while I happily sat bopping my head and warming my seat declining dance offers. Don’t get me wrong I can get it crunked with the best of them but I just think after the age of 25 there are certain dances you should not attempt to do. See what I mean???
The best part of the night was when they took a “pause for a cause” to not only remember all their fallen biker comrades but to give out "Trophies" of Smirnoff and Bacardi to individual biker clubs for certain achievements.:

Club who has the most members’ rep’n ..Ruff Ryders
Club who came earliest ..Ghost Town Riders
Club who traveled the farthest…N2 Deep

Um hello..I drove 45 minutes…can I get a bottle of Boone’s or some’n???

Oh well, I lasted a whole 2 hours and thought it was time to take my siddity ass back over the bridge. I said my good byes to my new biker “friends” and promised to take a picture at the next event. I did however get a souvenir of the event in the form of a ticket on my way home from a nice Dundalk police officer for a broken tail light. Actually, it was probably just a reminder from the universe to not be so judgmental, but whatever.

So, contrary to Chyna’s beliefs I am not “mean” or “stubborn” or the least bit “anti-social”. I showed her that I can pretend to fit anywhere and if it ends with a smile on her face regardless of how many cranberry and vodkas it took then damn... it was all worth it!!!

Thinking of you..

together,

the hours seem like minutes..

apart, the minutes seem like days..

forever,

the seconds are endless..

and so are the many ways..

i ..am…loving...you


~asabi