Supernovas

feels like a million light

years in the past

that we were

bright

shining examples of love

we were

light

on the verge of

casting out shadows

and banishing dark clouds

of memories

that now seem too loud

to be silenced

but I will quiet my fears and take hold

as I must
of the reality of what we now are

its hard 
knowing that all this human dust

was once a star

a rare phenom

now imploded

and over

but once

a million times brighter

than the sun

supernovas

-Asabi

I Get By with a Lil' Help from My Friends

So yeah..this is my life right now.

I'm working 10-12 hours a day and its starting to take its toll.  So to get by, I have made 5 hour energy drinks (pomegranate flavor) my best friend but today I thought I'd turn it up a notch and find me an even better friend. :)

Everyday on my way to work I pass a cute little knick knack shop called Coffee and Tea Works near Dupont Circle. Well today I noticed a going out of business sign with everything 50% off.  I'm a sucker for knick knacks and oddities and especially those that are on sale. As soon as I walked in I saw this adorable flask and thought it was only fitting to get it since every proper girl should have one...even if you just fill it with Kool-aid (the red kind).  I happily brought it back to my office and its been **winking** at me ever since.

So who cares that my job is driving me to drink...at least I can now do it with style like the classy dame that I am.

Cheers!

Here's to the Foul Weather Friends

So it’s officially 2011 and unlike most of the world I have not been in deep contemplation about my New Years resolutions. I think I’m just a little bored with the idea and I’d like to think I am already constantly resolving to be a better me…physically, mentally, emotionally and financially; and those goals should not have start or end dates. However, I will say that I have recently resolved to try to change a certain bad habit of mine.

I was knee deep in another emotional upheaval in the slapstick comedy drama that is my life and a recent chapter was something like this:

Girl meets boy and falls in love
Girl is happy and all is alright with the world
Boy breaks up with Girl
Girl tries to overdose in a vat of strawberry cheesecake

And scene.

Overly simplified and dramatic but you get the picture.

But in the midst of wallowing in that situation along with dealing with a myriad of other financial and family issues I was stopped in my tracks by a dear friend that called me out on my habit of ignoring his calls and avoiding him for no real good reason. I explained that I didn’t want to burden him or most people with the negative aspects of my life and would rather only call or see people when I have good things to talk about. He told me that we would continue to be friends whether I was happy or sad and a little sadness wasn’t going to scare him away. How awesome is that? Even more awesome is the fact that I am blessed to have numerous friends and family who feel the same way about me and it’s just my own insecure hang ups that keep me from connecting more intimately to the people that love me best.

In the past I’ve always felt that talking about ones problems could be considered emotionally self indulgent and more so a luxury that some people just can not afford. Do you think people in third world countries are complaining that they only got a 3% raise or that their Jaguar only takes premium gas? Do you know how much it would cost in Uganda to drown your sorrows in a vat of strawberry cheesecake? A lot.

Of course allowing folks “in” is easier said than done and it’s quite a humbling, even embarrassing matter to admit that life is not going your way at any particular moment and you may need a shoulder to lean on. But, I had to realize that I am always going to be going thru something. IT’S CALLED LIFE...and sometimes it sucks big hairy monkey balls. But more importantly, I had to realize I can not go through it alone. No one can.

So if I had to have a resolution this year it would be to be more vulnerable and open and allow my loved ones to be there for me in the foul weather as well as the fair… and I hope that they allow me to do the same.

Happy New Years!!!


"Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."
– Dinah Craik

shower scenes

i pretended i couldn't hear
when you said you had to go home

i knew this time
it was goodbye
and not goodnight

i turned the water hotter
to compensate for the iciness in your words

peeking thru the curtain i see you write
"i love you"
in the steamed mirror

i bury my head in the scalding water
hoping to wash my head of you

like you've washed your hands of me

Joy Arises

as i am fixated

on the clock

the years

pass by

tick tock

try as I may to stop

the tears

drip drop

they fall still

drowning out his grace

but i'm deciding to instead

embrace

the fear

the sadness
the anger
and invite them to tea
cause we have no time
to be
enemies

tick tock
the years pass by
with or without enlightenment
drip drop
so scared the sky
is falling
when it really is just rain

change
is the only constant

so its time
to align
all words thoughts and actions
its time
to remove all disguises
forgive the infractions
of the past
and know that the present
is where real joy arises

from the ash
of our lesser selves

-asabi

God's Lent Child

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, God said
For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three
But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief
You’ll always have her memories as a solace in your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked this whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the folk that crowd Life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love and not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again?

I fancy that I heard them say “Dear God, thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter her with tenderness, we’ll love her while we may
And for all the happiness we’ve ever known, we’ll ever grateful stay.
But should the angels call her much sooner than we’d planned
We will brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

~ Author Unknown

Ode to a lost one...

I only cried once for you today.

I felt a ghost of a kiss
and opened my eyes
half expecting you to be there.

Will you be the same
when we meet again?

Or just a faint resemblance
of someone I use to know.

-asabi

I'm back..sort of

So lets start this off slow.
Excuse me If this reads as one big ramble but its been so long since I've posted anything I have to figure out how to get my thoughts on screen back in order. I've even seemed to have forgotten my password. But I thought I'd try back at this whole blogging thing. I'm not quite sure why I had such a long hiatus but I think I was just a bit bored with living life and then reporting on living life so I just decided to just live my life. I had even given up on reading all my favorite blogs so I apologize to all my fabulous blogger friends I have months of reading to catch up on.

Ok that wasnt so bad. I guess I'll try it again soon.

YES WE DID!!!! YES WE DID!!!!

As I write this I am so emotionally spent I cant see straight. I could write a book on all the feelings I've had through out this election but it still wouldn't adequately convey my thoughts. More than anything else I am so proud to be able to share this historic moment with my grandma who never thought she would live to see this day But my heart hurts that his own grandma didn't live to see it herself.

Tonight..My hope for humanity has been restored and I can now say I am proud to be a American!!

I am also one step closer to my private special alone time with Barack in the Lincoln room... Think I can't?

Yes I can!!! Yes I can!!!

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