The struggle is real

On my first official day as a LYT we have a scheduled orientation where I meet the other 4 trainees that are also starting with me. We sit on the floor "indian-style" in our classroom in a semi-circle in front of Swami Arrivananda who leads the LYT program. She is dressed in her customary monastic garb of various shades of orange. She looks like a holy creamsicle. With her buzzed short hair and knowing eyes I can already tell that she doesn't suffer fools lightly...maybe with love..tough love.

 I'm sitting at the far end of the semi-circle in the company of this wise woman and 4 very enthusiastic students. I turn into observation mode. "The others" seem to have already bonded. I saw them earlier in the day eating breakfast together and chatting as if they were old friends. My mind immediately felt out of place. They are clearly 10-20+ years older than me which is fine except that it makes me feel like  I should be studying at the kiddie table.

Corky thinks wearing white makes her enlightened

Robin always out OMs everyone

Pat is sweet until you make her miss her Tea time

Larry is the best dishwasher in Yogaville

Like "real life", I tend to gravitate towards people that are a little to alot younger than I am and I have demonstrated that by the seasoned LYTS and other ashram staff I have been keeping company with thus far. On the flip side I don't always feel completely at ease with those that are in their early 30's or younger. They typically have a laissez faire beat about them that my 42 year old feet cant dance to for any long period of time. Feeling at home with everyone and no one is typically my MO.

We start the class like most activities on the ashram, we "OM in". Breath in, Breath out, deep breath in and on the exhale let out an "OM" for the whole breath. We repeat then chant and settle into our orientation. We each describe ourselves and the reason we came. There is a retired yoga teacher, a woman who has done the LYT program before, a truth seeker, a citizen of the world and me.

We are introduced to more detail about the ashram, Swami Satchidananda himself, the philosophy of integral yoga and yoga in general. We go over the requirements again. A typical day looks something like this...

5am 1+ hour long meditation
6:20 am 1+hour long Hatha yoga session
8 am breakfast
8:30 am-11:45am "Karma" yoga (selfless acts of service)
Noon - meditation
12:45pm - lunch
1:30-5:00 - Karma yoga
5pm - Hatha yoga
6pm - evening meditation
6:30pm - supper
7pm - Karma yoga
7:30pm - Spiritual studies
10pm - Silence/lights out

Yep. it's intense.

The first week I felt I was in a fog. I nearly broke in between trying to deal with my insomnia, detox off of TV, alcohol, meat and sugar, be of service, perform yoga postures with my achy bones, and study with dementia all while doing so with a loving attitude.

I questioned why I was even here. Was this going to make any real difference in my life? The glutton for punishment shtick I was doing was no longer cute and I really needed to hunker down and go within to see if all this discomfort and pain was worth it. My answer would not come immediately. In fact, it would get worse before it would get better. The eight limbs of yoga were outstretched and kicking every bit of my Yogi wanna-be ass.

Praise Jam

It's the end of the "Welcome Weekend". The excitement has officially worn off. I'm wimpy so 2 days of getting up before dawn, being severely de-decaffeinated and sober and being forced to sleep in a hot box of a room with two strangers is taking its toll. I know this feeling. It's depression and its found me in Yogaville.

I was feeling pretty lonely  at this point but the universe knew exactly what I needed in the form of an invitation to a "Praise Jam" by one of the Ashram Yogis. Initially I wasn't extremely interested. I was raised Catholic and we tend to be a bit more reserved in our worship so unless praise jam was some awesome new spread to put on my whole wheat toast I wouldn't necessarily be so inclined to participate.

        

I decided to accept the invitation and went some of the other LYTs and Yogis in Training to a house off the quad but walking distance. There I find a dog that looks like Lassie and a sage of a cat in the home of a bearded man that hugs everyone as they walk in. He starts to give instructions: Pick up a book on the table, find a passage that "speaks" to you and read it. "Shyness will ruin the jam" he warns. We each rummage through the options. Rumi..Hafiz...Whyte and many more. We started with a harmony of "OMs" until the universe found its way into the music. Guitars, drums, harmonicas played as we swayed and read our individual passages...














More people arrived as we packed the living room. Real Yogis, soon to be Yogis, and me. I am not sure who I am at this moment except an observer falling in love with David Whyte, falling in love with these people in this room, falling in love with God and realizing where there is a OM there is a way.

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Welcome Weekend

To become a LYT you have to at least visit Yogaville for a Welcome Weekend. Most LYT's have visited for the weekend, enjoyed the stay so much that they decided to come back and fully immerse themselves for a month or longer. Before deciding to become a LYT I had never been to Yogaville. I heard of it from several friends in the DC Cancer Community and they all had great things to say about the experience. I decided to jump right in sight unseen not really knowing what to expect. 

Every weekend in Yogaville is "Welcome Weekend" where visitors can get better acquainted with the grounds and the "Integral Yoga way of life". I spent my first weekend here like most visitors excited about this new peace seeking adventure. Even getting up for 6:20 am meditation was exciting and cute. Look at me! I'm a zen master! Even though I fidgeted and basically nodded off through most of it, I thought it was pretty awesome. I got to tour the LOTUS temple (which I will discuss later) and hear the history of Swami Satchidananda and Yogaville in general.

Getting ready for my first Satsang

The view of LOTUS from Nataraja shrine

Nataraja shrine on the Hill

First LOTUS pics at Night

totally planned my outfit to match LOTUS

The grounds are amazing. It's surrounded by 650 acres, bordering the James River on the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. It's not hard to see the draw as far as being surrounded by beautiful environment. Even in the barren winter it's lovely. The whole goal of Yogaville from their own words... "Here at Satchidananda Ashram–Yogaville, you will have the opportunity to connect with like-minded people seeking to live easeful, peaceful, useful lives. Our mission at the Ashram is to practice, live, and impart the Integral Yoga teaching of Sri Swami Satchidananda. Our goal is to experience supreme peace and joy and to share that peace and joy with one and all."

View of the James River

Me..blocking the view of the James River

The Welcome Weekend allowed me to not be completely blindsided by the LYT program. I even had the opportunity to meet some visiting DC yogis. I instantly bonded with some folks and happily exchanged information so that when I returned we could connect.

Inside LOTUS..family love

By Sunday afternoon I was pretty tired. All of the "Weekend" folks were packing up and heading out, including my new buddies from DC. There was a huge part of me that wanted to hitch a ride back. My mind was telling me that they were lucky. They were going to be able to go back to their cozy little places in the city, maybe grab a burger on the way home and sit in front of the TV with a glass of wine. Me? I looked down to realize that my real work was just about to begin as my bowl of kale laughed at me.

Welcome to Yogaville

I left Union Station at 11am on Friday, January 29th. Meds, toiletries, 2 suitcases. How does one pack for a month in an ashram anyways? Hiking boots, snow boots, coat, vest, sweaters,shirts, jeans and lots and lots of yoga pants..I'm all set I've decided.  The train ride was uneventful.

On the train..ego intact :)

 I arrived in Charlottesville on time and waited for the driver Jayan to find me. Alice, an older woman from Potomac, Maryland was already in the car as he had picked her up previously from the bus station. She was coming to Yogaville just for the weekend but she was not new to ashram life. Alice and Jayan talked the whole ride about ashram life and Yogaville in general. I sat in the back staring out the window as big town turned into small towns with two lane roads that wined and curved into mountain views with treetops that had longed ago shed its leaves. By time I noticed I was being severely anti-social an hour had came and gone. As we passed the "Welcome to Yogaville" sign I went to do my usual "check-in" on Facebook  but alas, no cell service. My heart skipped a beat. Yikes!!! Yogi life has officially begun.

Welcome to Yogaville!

We pull up to the "Quad" to go to registration. I see shiny, happy people dressed in white everywhere.They welcome me and give me a yellow rubber wrist band reminiscent of the "LiveStrong" bands but this one says "LYT" for Living Yoga Training. Ahhh..I'm a "light", I get it. I like it. I want to immediately shake the hand of the person who thought of that. From this day forward at the ashram I am a LIGHT and everyone treats me as such.

They look happy..I want to be like them

I am the LIGHT of the world..or so they say.

I get to my room and my two roommates are not there. I am relieved because that  gives me a chance to unpack and settle in without the immediate responsibility of pretending I know what the hell I am doing. Insecurity starts to set in as I notice they both have just one suitcase. I feel guilty for my two large, too bright turquoise bags. I think of Erykah Badu's song "Bag Lady"  and believe I have just failed the first yogi rule (in my head) to not overpack. I'm starting to feel like Eva Gabor in Green Acres with my collection of scarves and too many clothes. Where do I think I'm going to wear all this Jewelry anyways. "At least I didn't bring any heels" I tell myself. I secretly smile and pat myself on the back with that justification and continue unpacking.

I don't think I have enough scarves

This is my home for the next 30+ days

All the Yogi essentials

But the truth is, even if your suitcases are beautifully colored, its still "baggage". You can bring it along if you want to but you are the one that has to carry them up and down 3 flights of ashram stairs. Was it worth it?  We will see......

Om Shanti

Dusting off the ole' blog

Just a quick little post to knock the cobwebs of this old blog. I think its time. It's only been 2 years since I posted. Not that I haven't had tons to write about. To catch up on my health drama you can check out my other blog on Mylifeline.org. I've written alot..too much really about cancer and needed a space to rediscover my creative side. Let's hope I can keep it going. Stay tuned....... :) Love and Light.