my hip swivel..hair toss..giggle is AMAZING on this song..enjoy and have a great week folks!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
To My Chyna doll...
Happy Happy Sweet Sixteen!!!
This blog isnt big enough to post all that I feel for you!
(will post more later but I just wanted to give you a quick birthday shoutout) :)
This blog isnt big enough to post all that I feel for you!
(will post more later but I just wanted to give you a quick birthday shoutout) :)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Band-aids
I’m sitting here thinking about the events of the weekend and how I am so glad to finally be on the train.
I have my sunglasses on so no one can see my eyes are swollen with tears. I wish I was home already so I could do the undignified mascara running, snot dripping, talking in hiccuppy sentences cry. Cries like the ones you use to do when you were a kid and God forbid you miss the ice-cream truck and all of your friends are happily parading their freeze pops in your face and teasing you unmercifully.
But, instead I hold back so I am not furthermore known as the “crazy crying woman on the train” that some other blogger writes about. I hold back like I’ve been doing all weekend so the kids wouldnt see me all emo.
I was putting a band-aid on my niece Amaya this morning and she asked me why I looked sad. I lied and told her it was because my back was hurting and she asked me if I wanted a band-aid cause they always make her hurts feel better. I didn’t want her to worry cause her Auntie was distressed at the thought of her Daddy going away to Afghanistan (thank god for spell check cause I can never spell it right. As many times as I have to write it you would think I would know but it’s as if my mind wants to block out any comprehension of this country, let alone how to spell it) again.
I feel guilty that I am even allowing myself the luxury of sadness when it’s really my sister n law that has the real burden of being separated from her husband, lover and best friend till February. It is her that has to take care of 3 little ones who are already acting out today because they don’t understand why Daddy must go to “work” and won’t be back for a very long time.
The scene at the train station went better than expected. Amon is the last one I hug and I don’t want to let go. He laughs to stop me from crying and tells me he will be fine. He jokes that he is just going on a vacation and time will fly by. That he will email me often and send pic updates via Myspace. I nod and wipe my face because we all have to be strong for the kids.
I’ll try to sleep on the train but I know I won’t be able to. I know that there will be many more sleepless nights ahead until he is back again. I just hope I don’t have to go back to taking pills to keep the nightmares at bay.
I start to think about that real life nightmare when he was about 3 years old and I allowed him to wander off at the park instead of watching him like I was supposed to do. Our parents and everyone else in shouting distance looked for him for over an hour. I remember being so scared at the thought of him being lost forever. But being the smart ass that he was (and still is) he found a policeman and told him that “his mommy and daddy were lost and he needed help finding them”.
Thank God that story had a happy ending but the thought that his mommy and daddy are still perpetually “lost” and I am the only one in our immediate family to make the effort to see him off before deployment …makes me sad.
The thought of all those other children who are now living without fathers because they never came back from the same place he is going back to today….makes me sad.
But more so than anything the thought of my Little Boy Blue possibly not being able to find his way back home this time around makes my heart hurt and there isn’t a band-aid in the world big enough to fix it right now.
I have my sunglasses on so no one can see my eyes are swollen with tears. I wish I was home already so I could do the undignified mascara running, snot dripping, talking in hiccuppy sentences cry. Cries like the ones you use to do when you were a kid and God forbid you miss the ice-cream truck and all of your friends are happily parading their freeze pops in your face and teasing you unmercifully.
But, instead I hold back so I am not furthermore known as the “crazy crying woman on the train” that some other blogger writes about. I hold back like I’ve been doing all weekend so the kids wouldnt see me all emo.
I was putting a band-aid on my niece Amaya this morning and she asked me why I looked sad. I lied and told her it was because my back was hurting and she asked me if I wanted a band-aid cause they always make her hurts feel better. I didn’t want her to worry cause her Auntie was distressed at the thought of her Daddy going away to Afghanistan (thank god for spell check cause I can never spell it right. As many times as I have to write it you would think I would know but it’s as if my mind wants to block out any comprehension of this country, let alone how to spell it) again.
I feel guilty that I am even allowing myself the luxury of sadness when it’s really my sister n law that has the real burden of being separated from her husband, lover and best friend till February. It is her that has to take care of 3 little ones who are already acting out today because they don’t understand why Daddy must go to “work” and won’t be back for a very long time.
The scene at the train station went better than expected. Amon is the last one I hug and I don’t want to let go. He laughs to stop me from crying and tells me he will be fine. He jokes that he is just going on a vacation and time will fly by. That he will email me often and send pic updates via Myspace. I nod and wipe my face because we all have to be strong for the kids.
I’ll try to sleep on the train but I know I won’t be able to. I know that there will be many more sleepless nights ahead until he is back again. I just hope I don’t have to go back to taking pills to keep the nightmares at bay.
I start to think about that real life nightmare when he was about 3 years old and I allowed him to wander off at the park instead of watching him like I was supposed to do. Our parents and everyone else in shouting distance looked for him for over an hour. I remember being so scared at the thought of him being lost forever. But being the smart ass that he was (and still is) he found a policeman and told him that “his mommy and daddy were lost and he needed help finding them”.
Thank God that story had a happy ending but the thought that his mommy and daddy are still perpetually “lost” and I am the only one in our immediate family to make the effort to see him off before deployment …makes me sad.
The thought of all those other children who are now living without fathers because they never came back from the same place he is going back to today….makes me sad.
But more so than anything the thought of my Little Boy Blue possibly not being able to find his way back home this time around makes my heart hurt and there isn’t a band-aid in the world big enough to fix it right now.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Red Lobster is still da Shyt
Anybody remember when Red Lobster use to be considered fine dining?
I have many fond memories of going there on special occasions as a kid. I remember my parents taking me there for my 7th birthday and how grown-up I felt being in such a “fancy” restaurant. It is a very poignant memory for me as it was the last time we had any special occasions with just the three of us because my brother Maku was born 2 months later and Amon 2 years after that. Within 3 years of that birthday my father would be leaving us.
Anyways, Amon still enjoys Red Lobster to this day so we decided to go there for his last night before deployment and as an early birthday celebration for Chyna.
We went with some family friends Noelia and Carlos and their two sons.
Along with our 3 little ones and Chyna (who is quick to tell you that we can longer consider her a child even though she still gets stuck at the kid table) we were a force to be reckoned with for the wait staff.
The conversation inevitably turns to my love life again and why I don’t ever bring anyone home. They say I’m too picky and I think too much about it. That I should just settle on the next nice guy I meet and make him mine. I tell them they don’t understand and even though they were all lucky enough to find each other it really isn’t that easy. My brother worries about me being alone and wants me to finally find someone good enough to take care of me as much as I try to take care of everyone else. Ultimately, I want that too. I’m just not ready to settle for just any nice guy. I’d rather be by myself then be with someone I don’t love wholeheartedly.
Recently, I half-jokingly told one of my friends that he was “the object of my affection” and he wanted to know how could I be so sure of my feelings for him. I told him it wasn’t something I could put into words but I was pretty sure. He didn’t seem convinced. I told him I would think about the “why?” and I would get back to him.
I wanted my response to be lofty and poetic and I wanted to use grand sweeping gestures with my words in the hopes that he could adequately comprehend what I felt. I thought about it and thought some more and just couldn’t find the words. It made think that maybe nothing was there after all if I couldn’t even put it on paper.
Then yesterday on our way back from Red Lobster we passed Chuck E Cheese. All the kids went ape shyt! They begged and pleaded to go inside. They were near tears once they realized we weren’t going to stop. I asked my 3 year old niece Aliana why she loved it so much and she looked at me puzzled and said “Because it’s Chuck E Cheese! And I just do!” So I pressed on...”But …why do you love it?”
And she says “Because I’m a kid and I’m suppose to!!” Hmmm.. Maybe it was less epiphany and more Pina Coladas but the effect was the same. It made perfect sense to me. She may not have had the vocabulary to explain her love but she knew what she knew because she KNEW it.
It got me to thinking that maybe we should all be more childlike and not make love so complicated.
Stop second guessing ourselves and go with what feels right. Maybe we should stop being so afraid to step out on limbs with reckless abandonment even if It means falling far from the tree and getting hurt. Who knows?
All I know is that I pray to God that he always keeps me safely rooted in my girlish romantic sensibilities.
That he keeps me simple.
That he keeps me honest.
And for goodness sake keeps me away from those Red Lobster cheese biscuits.
They are the devil.
I have many fond memories of going there on special occasions as a kid. I remember my parents taking me there for my 7th birthday and how grown-up I felt being in such a “fancy” restaurant. It is a very poignant memory for me as it was the last time we had any special occasions with just the three of us because my brother Maku was born 2 months later and Amon 2 years after that. Within 3 years of that birthday my father would be leaving us.
Anyways, Amon still enjoys Red Lobster to this day so we decided to go there for his last night before deployment and as an early birthday celebration for Chyna.
We went with some family friends Noelia and Carlos and their two sons.
Along with our 3 little ones and Chyna (who is quick to tell you that we can longer consider her a child even though she still gets stuck at the kid table) we were a force to be reckoned with for the wait staff.
The conversation inevitably turns to my love life again and why I don’t ever bring anyone home. They say I’m too picky and I think too much about it. That I should just settle on the next nice guy I meet and make him mine. I tell them they don’t understand and even though they were all lucky enough to find each other it really isn’t that easy. My brother worries about me being alone and wants me to finally find someone good enough to take care of me as much as I try to take care of everyone else. Ultimately, I want that too. I’m just not ready to settle for just any nice guy. I’d rather be by myself then be with someone I don’t love wholeheartedly.
Recently, I half-jokingly told one of my friends that he was “the object of my affection” and he wanted to know how could I be so sure of my feelings for him. I told him it wasn’t something I could put into words but I was pretty sure. He didn’t seem convinced. I told him I would think about the “why?” and I would get back to him.
I wanted my response to be lofty and poetic and I wanted to use grand sweeping gestures with my words in the hopes that he could adequately comprehend what I felt. I thought about it and thought some more and just couldn’t find the words. It made think that maybe nothing was there after all if I couldn’t even put it on paper.
Then yesterday on our way back from Red Lobster we passed Chuck E Cheese. All the kids went ape shyt! They begged and pleaded to go inside. They were near tears once they realized we weren’t going to stop. I asked my 3 year old niece Aliana why she loved it so much and she looked at me puzzled and said “Because it’s Chuck E Cheese! And I just do!” So I pressed on...”But …why do you love it?”
And she says “Because I’m a kid and I’m suppose to!!” Hmmm.. Maybe it was less epiphany and more Pina Coladas but the effect was the same. It made perfect sense to me. She may not have had the vocabulary to explain her love but she knew what she knew because she KNEW it.
It got me to thinking that maybe we should all be more childlike and not make love so complicated.
Stop second guessing ourselves and go with what feels right. Maybe we should stop being so afraid to step out on limbs with reckless abandonment even if It means falling far from the tree and getting hurt. Who knows?
All I know is that I pray to God that he always keeps me safely rooted in my girlish romantic sensibilities.
That he keeps me simple.
That he keeps me honest.
And for goodness sake keeps me away from those Red Lobster cheese biscuits.
They are the devil.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Alexander the Great!
So I'm in Fayetteville, NC (the epicenter of all that is fun and fabulous) visiting my brother and his family for a couple of days and I went to my nephew's t-ball game today. I must admit the whole scene was pretty damn cute. And while I'm not officially admitting to any new "baby fever" I seem to have gotten a slight rise in temperature from lil boys in baseball uniforms.***
Btw. You heard it here first. Alexander Murry will be the next Barry Bonds!!! Minus the steroid use and the lying to the feds stuff.
***disclaimer-this is not to suggest a underlying issue of pedophilia but a more deeper issue of not wanting to take care of a baby but possibly a wee tike in the 3 to 5 year old range. Better?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Chivalry R.I.P.???
Just when I was starting to doubt the existence of men of a gentle nature I encountered one this morning. The escalator was out at my metro station and I was struggling to get my overly packed suitcase up the stairs. A decent looking "suit and tie" politely offered to carry it for me. Normally, I would put up my "I got this" independent woman stance and decline the offer but lately that hasn't gotten me anything but reoccurring back problems and a jacked up manicure. So I kindly relinquished the bag and all he asked for was a smile in return. Wow. I was giddy the whole way to work! Easily impressed you say? That's a matter of opinion. But I sooo dig a chivalrous guy..that's a fact. Unfortunately we live in a world where general consideration, random acts of kindness and sincere gestures of interest, small and large are rarely expressed (or appreciated).
Some of my friends think its hilarious that I told an otherwise decent guy to kick rocks because he didn't walk me to my car. Um..hello it was 11:30 PM and he let me walk several blocks by myself in DC without so much as a inquiry as to if I got home ok. Unacceptable! But, on the other hand I was totally smitten with one guy because he opened all my doors even though he had a thing for running squirrels over on purpose .... with me in the car. Yes.. He maimed defenseless woodland creatures...but he paid for dinner damn it!
Anyway, my point is that a little chivalry goes along way andevery most women want to be treated like a lady. What's that you say? Need some tips on how to impress a woman with your etiquette? Here are some simple ones from AskMen.com
Always open doors
This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.
Put on her coat
Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.
Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.
Give up your seat
If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.
Give her your arm
When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground -- especially if she's wearing high heels.
Ask if she needs anything
Always carry a woman's packages
Let's face it; today's women would probably shoot you a puzzled fleeting look, so at least offer to do so. This lets her know you respect her and are courteous enough to inquire as to her comfort.
Offer your seat to women
Classics are always fashionable. Some feminists would certainly have a fit, but most women will definitely value the gesture.
and My favorite..
Always walk on the curbside of the sidewalk when walking with a woman
Easy right? Good, spread the word.
Some of my friends think its hilarious that I told an otherwise decent guy to kick rocks because he didn't walk me to my car. Um..hello it was 11:30 PM and he let me walk several blocks by myself in DC without so much as a inquiry as to if I got home ok. Unacceptable! But, on the other hand I was totally smitten with one guy because he opened all my doors even though he had a thing for running squirrels over on purpose .... with me in the car. Yes.. He maimed defenseless woodland creatures...but he paid for dinner damn it!
Anyway, my point is that a little chivalry goes along way and
Always open doors
This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.
Put on her coat
Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.
Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.
Give up your seat
If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.
Give her your arm
When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground -- especially if she's wearing high heels.
Ask if she needs anything
Always carry a woman's packages
Let's face it; today's women would probably shoot you a puzzled fleeting look, so at least offer to do so. This lets her know you respect her and are courteous enough to inquire as to her comfort.
Offer your seat to women
Classics are always fashionable. Some feminists would certainly have a fit, but most women will definitely value the gesture.
and My favorite..
Always walk on the curbside of the sidewalk when walking with a woman
Easy right? Good, spread the word.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Happy Mother's Day to Me
and to all the mothers out there.
A special congrats goes out to my girl Kim who just recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Olivia Camille. Kim has honored me with the duty of being Olivia's Godmother (she obviously doesnt have many friends).
And while we are on the subject of having babies.
Most of my friends are coming into that time in their lives when they are having, wanting and/or obsessing over babies. And while I understand this baby fever in theory, I just dont have it. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a cute baby just like any other wo(man). I ooh and ahh at the appropriate times when I am in their midst. Sometimes I even think about the minute details of what it would be like if I had one. Silly things like how I would decorate the nursery. Of course all baby lust diminishes when I'm in the company of a screaming toddler. Then I think about how glad I am that I dont have to go through that anymore. My child is almost a woman and I am finally at a point in my life where I can be a little more self-centered.
I'm not completely ruling out having another child but it would take an enormous amount of love for a great man or an act of congress to get me to reconsider. I have many thoughts, opinions and hangups about this subject and I'll share what I'm ready to share soon. In the meantime, I have to go buy a gift for yet another baby shower. It's a boy. Say it with me... awwwwwww....
A special congrats goes out to my girl Kim who just recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Olivia Camille. Kim has honored me with the duty of being Olivia's Godmother (she obviously doesnt have many friends).
And while we are on the subject of having babies.
Most of my friends are coming into that time in their lives when they are having, wanting and/or obsessing over babies. And while I understand this baby fever in theory, I just dont have it. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a cute baby just like any other wo(man). I ooh and ahh at the appropriate times when I am in their midst. Sometimes I even think about the minute details of what it would be like if I had one. Silly things like how I would decorate the nursery. Of course all baby lust diminishes when I'm in the company of a screaming toddler. Then I think about how glad I am that I dont have to go through that anymore. My child is almost a woman and I am finally at a point in my life where I can be a little more self-centered.
I'm not completely ruling out having another child but it would take an enormous amount of love for a great man or an act of congress to get me to reconsider. I have many thoughts, opinions and hangups about this subject and I'll share what I'm ready to share soon. In the meantime, I have to go buy a gift for yet another baby shower. It's a boy. Say it with me... awwwwwww....
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Happy Cinco de Mayo!!
To my sis n'law Claudia, my nieces and nephews and all my other mexican/blaxican friends and family. Way to stick it to those French dogs back in 1862. I will be drinking many margaritas in your honor today.
Viva La Raza!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Dude!!!!!!! I'm Like Totally....
video.vh1.com
Addicted to the "I love the 80's" show on VH1. I just can't stop watching it!! It's bringing back so many fond and funny childhood memories. Here are some of my favorites: What are some of yours????
-The Cosby Show
-Breakdancing
-PacMan
-My parents first VCR
-Pop Rocks
-Cabbage Patch Kids
-my stoopid fresh gear
-Hanging out at the mall
-Anything Madonna or Wham related
-Red Kool-Aid
-Being able to go to the corner store and get beer and Kools for my mom with just a "note"
The list goes on and on especially for the music.
I'm so following thru with that 80's theme party for my birthday this year (are you listening ginger?)
All you Gnarly folks are invited fer shur!!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Death..the ultimate "bad hair" day
I was going to post a long tirade about my bad luck lately. I was going to complain about having to pay $500 the other day to get a boot off my car for a ticket that I didn't even know I had. I was in the midst of putting up the streamers for my pity party when I got this text from my friend Dawn. "KAREN DIED TODAY". It knocked the wind out of me. Karen was Dawn's best friend. I had only met her once but kept up with her life though conversations with Dawn. She was 34 and died of "natural causes". I could feel the inconsolable sadness coming from her when she told me what happen. She was numb and quite frankly so was I. It's always shocking to find out someone you actually met, had brunch with and hugged good-bye is no longer alive. I guess its one of those "For Whom the Bell Tolls" moments.
It just put so many things in perspective. It goes without saying that having a loved one die is the ultimate "bad hair day". It tops boots on cars, immature arguments, job disappointments, "he's just not that into you" moments and whatever other insignificant issues we get ourselves in a tizzy about.
I know we all get those "corny" emails reminding us how life is short, how every moment is precious, how we should never miss a chance to tell the ones we love how much they mean to us. But its true. Stop putting it off...visit them, call them, write them, forgive them, hug them, kiss them, fuckin' commit to them already!!!!
And if you don't love them why spend another moment wasting your time or theirs? Because the next 5 years, the next 1 year, the next month, the next day isn't promised. Just ask Karen's 8 month old son.
It just put so many things in perspective. It goes without saying that having a loved one die is the ultimate "bad hair day". It tops boots on cars, immature arguments, job disappointments, "he's just not that into you" moments and whatever other insignificant issues we get ourselves in a tizzy about.
I know we all get those "corny" emails reminding us how life is short, how every moment is precious, how we should never miss a chance to tell the ones we love how much they mean to us. But its true. Stop putting it off...visit them, call them, write them, forgive them, hug them, kiss them, fuckin' commit to them already!!!!
And if you don't love them why spend another moment wasting your time or theirs? Because the next 5 years, the next 1 year, the next month, the next day isn't promised. Just ask Karen's 8 month old son.
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