Monday, October 29, 2007

Welcome Home !!


I am head over heels ecstatic that my baby brother Amon is finally home from his stint in Afghanistan. I couldn't be more proud of my Green Beret. We are blessed to have him home safe and sound and thank you all for your continued prayers for him and all of our soldiers fighting in lands far far away.
"De Oppresso Liber"
(To Free the Oppressed)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Autumn Leaves

I am in love.

With the autumn leaves.

I was beginning to think they were never going to come. But, alas! Today was the first day I felt OK to say fall was among us. I spent every available moment looking out the window and daydreaming. The rain is falling and the clouds are gray but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Cause right now all I need are the leaves.

I was tired of the "be happy cause the sun is out" summer days. They left me too exposed.

I'm at peace today. Even with the rain. I'm at peace. Even with the cold winds. I'm at peace. Even missing him as much as I do. I'm at peace. Because this too shall pass.

This song always reminds me that I am not alone in my sentiment.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

We dont ALL leave

I want to pitch a tent
Light a fire
The glow of your distinction
Keeping me warm
Keeping me watchful
Of your daily miracles
You keep struggling, fighting, doubting,
Trying, surviving, being
Longing.
LOVING.
Not here to take advantage of,
Just discover you
Explore you
With pure intentions

Cause we don’t all leave

I realize the kindness of strangers
Is not always so kind
But can be more reassuring
Than the pangs and arrows of pseudo-friends
And quasi-lovers
People disappoint
God does not
Take solace with the
God in me
As I will in you
And maybe the loneliness won’t be so agonizing
And maybe the nights won’t seem so daunting

Cause we don’t all leave

I’ll help you bury
The monsters underneath your bed
And you can use your magic
And help me vanquish my demons
And maybe one day the silence won’t scream so loud
For the both of us
Until then
Distance and time will matter not
When your thoughts
Have a soft place to land
I invite you
To lay them with me
Without fear
As I remain by you
Silent
In quiet resolve
Just as a reminder...

That we don’t all leave

~asabi

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Who looks more pissed off???




Disclaimer..this was totally Ginger's idea to post these pics and as much as I want to keep my self respect and dignity I have to admit it is funny as hell so here you go...be amused!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

It's my party and i'll cry if I want to..

It’s exactly five minutes till the day AFTER my birthday.

I made it another year!

I didn’t die in some weird, tragic accident whereas everyone that heard about my untimely death would say “wow..isnt that ironic? She died on her birthday.”

And I didn’t slit my wrists.

Not that I would really slit my wrists. It’s just something about birthdays that depress the hell out of me.
There is a certain level of discontent that looms over me some years, and this just happens to be one of those years.

It’s not that I don’t feel loved. I had plenty of calls, emails and cards full of well wishes from family and loved ones. And while one particular loved one didn’t call I guess it was just another reminder that it’s time to move on.

And that’s a good thing right?
So why the sadness?
This uneasiness I feel?

Like most, I sometimes contemplate my purpose in life. I wonder if somewhere down the road to discovery I may have made some wrong turns. I may have chosen a path that is taking me further away from my “Personal Legend” as the book The Alchemist refers to it. The Alchemist is such a enlightening book and it teaches that each one of us has a goal in life, a dream, a wish and a reason to keep us going and it’s up to us to find out what that is.

Its not that I feel I haven’t accomplished much in life. I’ve accomplished plenty. I just think that maybe I’m not living the life I was meant to, or with the person I was meant to be with.

But with awareness comes hope.

And I am hopeful that my ultimate purpose in life will soon be revealed to me. I am also hopeful that I will have the courage to make the difficult decisions and painful choices that may come with getting closer to my “Personal Legend”.

Paul Coelho says “When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realize your desire.”

I think that’s an amazing statement.

So what do I desire? Only my heart and the Universe know.

It’s after midnight now…

My birthday is now officially over and with it..my discontent.

It’s been replaced with a certain resolved acceptance for where I am presently and an inquisitive optimism for where I will be in the future.


And I guess that is the greatest gift of all.

100 Random Things About Me

1. I was born October 16, 1973.
2. My first name means “one of special birth”.
3. My middle name is Olaniye. It means “for the righteous I will bring wealth”.
4. I almost lost my leg in a car accident 10 years ago. It was broken in 15 different places.
5. I am both loner and social butterfly.
6. I am 5’4”.
7. I was born premature.
8. I use to be able to play the piano by ear.
9. I have partial hearing loss from listening to music with headphones.
10. I have two younger brothers.
11. Between them I have 5 nieces and 1 nephew. I love them dearly.
12. My blood type is O positive.
13. I have a form of sickle cell anemia.
14. I have crushes on Anderson Cooper and Jeffrey Wright.
15. I have a cousin that is a voodoo shaman. When I was born he performed a naming ceremony whereas your “ancestoral spirits” pick your name.
16. I auditioned for a part in the Blues Brothers movie when I was five. I didn’t get it because I cried instead of dancing.
17. I’m afraid of flying.
18. I’ve lived in 6 different states so far.
19. Before it’s all over I will have lived in a foreign country.
20. I was raised Catholic.
21. I doubt the existence of God more than I would like to.
22. I’m contemplating becoming a Buddhist.
23. I once had eight cats.
24. My biggest pet peeve about myself is my indecisiveness.
25. I watch too much TV.
26. I want Barack to win just so I can see Michelle kick ass as the first lady.
27. My favorite ice cream is rocky road.
28. My biggest pet peeve about other people is a lack of authenticity.
29. I make the best mac and cheese.
30. I have been arrested once.
31. I love the beach, I can watch the waves for hours and hours, but hate the sand.
32. One of my favorite places is Catalina Island.
33. I love playing badminton.
34. I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was little.
35. I was a avid gardener when I was young, now I kill cacti.
36. My first job was gift wrapping at Nordstroms.
37. I was force fed a avocado as a child, now I hate guacamole
38. I have never been married.
39. I have a teenage daughter.
40. I am afraid of spiders.
41. I cry every time I see The Color Purple.
42. I am double jointed in my legs.
43. I had a full scholarship to USC.
44. I have to sleep with the TV on. It keeps me from thinking.
45. I think smoking is stupid, but It does make certain people look cool.
46. Autumn is my favorite season.
47. I love Cherry Blossoms.
48. I would cry as a child if my mother put more than one food item on my plate at a time
49. I am a decedent of German immigrants, African slaves and American Indians.
50. I am most creative when I am sad.
51. I think certain good things happen for a reason to make up for the awful randomness of everyday life.
52. I love Chai tea
53. I think I’m more interested in having a wedding than getting married.
54. I think napping is underrated.
55. I am not a “morning person.”
56. I love Oprah.
57. I don’t trust anyone else’s driving.
58. I love seafood but eating crabs is the most frustrating endeavor.
59. I like sleeping during thunderstorms.
60. I use to sleep walk.
61. I like spooning.
62. I’ve been told my toes look like fingers.
63. I still believe true love exists. I’m still holding out for mine.
64. I think you should use any excuse to celebrate.
65. My dream destination is Tuscany, Italy.
66. I don’t have any tattoos.
67. I believe direct eye contact is extremely intimate. I tend to avoid it with strangers.
68. My dream job would be a songwriter.
69. I don’t have a favorite color.
70. Picasso’s “The Mistress” is my favorite painting.
71. Andrea Bocelli is one of my favorite artists.
72. I’ve always wanted to live in a Victorian house with a wrap around porch.
73. My favorite flower is the Sunflower.
74. I can spend hours in Target.
75. I love pumpkin anything.
76. My favorite day of the week is Saturday.
77. My great grandpa never called me by my name..he called me perch-mouth..he said i was perfect.
78. I’ve been accused of being flirty,
79. And a racist.
80. I believe in karma.
81. I can’t drive a stick.
82. My first pet was a German Shepard named Smokey.
83. I grew up on Kenwood Street on the south side of Chicago.
84. So my “porn name” is Smokey Kenwood.
85. I think having children for most is a selfish endeavor.
86. One goal is to have my writings published.
87. I’ve always believed I would win the lottery.
88. I love house/disco music.
89. Math scares me.
90. I drive a VW Jetta.
91. My dream car is a hybrid Range Rover.
92. I’m messy..but in an organized way.
93. I believe sarcasm is sexy.
94. I was listed as one of “Who’s Who Among American High School Students” for my academic achievements.
95. The first album I bought with my own money was AL.B.Sure’s In effect Mode.
96. I’m convinced all my gray hair is premature.
97. I Google everything and everybody.
98. I distrust anyone I can’t find on Google.
99. I can be intensely curious about people, which sometimes is mistaken for sexual interest.
100. I use to be a hopeless romantic, now I’m a hopeful realist.

Monday, October 15, 2007

What I'm feeling tonight..

It's a story of a boy who loves a girl and a girl that loves him even more. While he is far away, he tells her to maintain her strength like a willow tree. "Learn to bend so you wont break" he says. Seems simple. She knows better....

so as i stand here being your willow tree
inside i feel like a sapling
struggling..grappling
to make sense of everything
and maybe im not strong enough yet
to withstand all the changing that come with seasonal winds
its just that i dont want you to forget
me
when the day begins
just know
your seeds help me to grow
stronger everyday
and as hard as it is for me to blossom while being apart
i will be faithful in bending like the willow
as long as the wind doesnt break me
or my heart


~asabi

Sunday, October 14, 2007

And it cleans your windows without streaks too!!


Blue alcohol is not for amateurs!
I'm not sure who invented Hypnotic or why it ended up in my cup last night but it did...it's dangerous, and I have the headache and cottonmouth to prove it.

I also have vague but fond memories of a fabulous time at Ginger and Emily's house party. From watching "Beat Street" in the back yard to stopping unnamed drunkards from trying to piss in the living room...it was a good time had by all!!

Here I am with one of the many cool people I met. It took me a whole day to recover, but it was fun! fun! fun!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Love Bites



And at the end of each new failed relationship I say this will be the last time!!! I'll just forgo all the headaches, disappointments and drama and get a cat. I guess this time the universe was listening….

Last week, Chyna went for a run and came back with a kitten.

A newly pregnant neighbor was looking to get rid of it and found a sucker in the form of a pet deprived child. Before I could get “oh hell to the naw!!!..” out of my mouth, she had a litany of reasons, promises, and pleadings flowing out of hers. I reminded her of the demise of her last kitten, Gypsy and how I had to give him away because she didn’t take care of him properly.

She reminded me that was over 3 years ago and that she "can’t show responsibility if I wont give her something to be responsible for" (imagine batting eyelashes and pouting lips). It was total bullshit but I gave her points for her efforts.

“But isn’t he adorable???” she kept saying…Of course he is….what kitten isn’t?? I just really didn’t want to deal with the potential mess, vet bills and scratched up furniture.

The neighbors were nice enough to send him with food and a litter box so I gave in and said we would keep him for one night, but he had to stay in her room and he was going back the next day. Chyna insisted on giving him a name but I would have no parts of it. Once you name it, you get attached and you’re less likely to give it away. I told her that’s how I ended up keeping her. She didn’t think it was funny.

So, one day turned into four days.. and by day five I was smitten. How could I not be? He IS the cutest kitten known to man. He does however derive great pleasure from playing evil ghost cat and jumping from various hiding places right onto your leg as you walk by.
He is a bad ass...but we love him.

So the kitty got a new home and finally a new name… Kaiser Soze
Chyna got a new pet and another chance to redeem herself and I got a much needed distraction and a reminder that love and joy comes in many forms.




“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.” ~The Usual Suspects